the bright side

how i ended up here.

2012-01-17T20:39:00.002-07:00

let me tell you all a story.

2 years ago {almost 3 now} i moved back up to salt lake from st. george. i lived at home for a bit then moved in with my sister jill, in just a few short months she met her husband and i was once again looking for a place to live. amy suggested i moved into their basement, but i was working in draper at the time, and the commute didn't appeal to me. within a week of jill being engaged a position posted for a loan officer at our research park office.{which had been posted as an assistant manager position, but i wasn't qualified to apply for} i asked amy if she was serious about me living their before i applied for the position, she and trent talked and the offer was on the table. i applied for the position, interviewed, and a week later i had the job. within just another couple of months jill got married and i moved into trent and amy's home.

me ending up at the branch i'm at has been such a blessing in and of it's self. i've had the opportunity to advance through the company. i have a manager who has taken the time to invest in me and help me learn along the way. i've experienced promotions, trainings, raises, set backs, received awards and the chance to really push myself. i love my job and consider it a blessing in my life.

me ending up at trent and amy's and being where i am with my job is no happenstance. i can see so clearly the lord's hand in me being where i am in life. living at trent and amy's has been such a blessing, their kids have truly become my own, in fact i often refere to them as "my kids". i'm so grateful for this time in my life to be a part of their lives. i hope and pray that these sweet kids will have fond memories of me living with them. i don't fully know how to articulate my thoughts on the love i feel for these kids. all i know is i feel like i have a glimpse of what it must feel like to be a parent, to have a deep unconditional love for another human being.

i know things ended up the way they did for a reason. things don't just end up this good without a little help from upstairs.

{by the way, while i was writing this paige and morgan were sitting next to me asking me if they "dared them" to touch the keys... they thought they were pretty hilarious, me, not so much.}

Down for the count.

2012-01-09T21:35:00.001-07:00

The 24 hour (I'm hoping that's all it is) stomach flu hit me with a vengeance this morning. For the greater part of today everything I've consumed had come right back up, including a sip of water. I've been so miserable that I haven't even been able to sleep today. After an awful 15 hours I'm beginning to feel like I'm on the mend, thank heavens. Today has made me so grateful for the health that I so abundantly enjoy! I thought so many different times today of those who are continually sick, seriously, good health is such a blessing!Here's to hoping the bug is on its way out of my system!

2012

2012-01-03T19:08:00.001-07:00

{pin}

i've thought long and hard about what i want to work on in 2012. i've never been one to make new year's resolutions, but i decided this would be a good year to start. as i took inventory on my life and the things i need to improve on i decided patience, both with myself and especially others, is something that could use some serious work. as it thought more about patience i thought it ironic how quickly we as humans lose patience with one another. we for one reason or another assume that those around us are not trying, or being malicious in their actions. why is that? why are we so quick to assume the worst in those around us? on the flip side, when those around us become impatient with us, we expect them to understand that we are trying our hardest and our best. we beg for patience and understanding. ironic, isn't it.

i need to remind myself that there is not one of us who isn't silently fighting a hard battle. we are all here experiencing this crazy thing called life and doing the best we can to lead good lives. i think back to the people that i have been unkind to for one reason or another and hurt thinking about what they might possibly be going through. i never want to hinder those i come in contact with, but rather buoy them up. i want to be recognized as a good person and a good friend.

i most certainly have my work cutout for me, this was without a doubt the most difficult resolution i set... but without a doubt the most worthy one.

here we go again.

2011-12-26T17:24:00.001-07:00

well folks i went against my better judgement i agreed to run another ragnar race, the enticing part of this one? it happens to be in southern california. i mean really, how can you say no to that?

there were many times during ragnar las vegas i wondered to myself, "why in the heck does anyone run one of these races". it's the most emotional, exhausting, challenging, hot, uncomfortable thing i've ever done in my life.

so why am i doing it again?

because it was one of the best and most rewarding experiences i've ever had in my life.

it was so hard, and there were times i wondered if i was capable of finishing, but i finished..

i did something i literally didn't think i could do.

as i've started to train for the next installment i wondered once again why i decided to run.

then i remembered this moment....

it was the best moment of ragnar!

finishing my final leg.

aside from the fact that i was done running.

i had just finished something so physically and emotionally challenging.

as i turned my final corner, i saw my family waiting for me at the exchange point.

in my life i have never been as exhausted as i was in that moment.

heidi was waiting for me to hand off.

trent, jacob, and my dad were on the side lines cheering me on.

as i got to heidi she grabbed me and hugged me, tears came.

and all i could say was:

"i did it!"

and that is why i'm running ragnar again.

the plan

2011-12-12T20:08:00.001-07:00

if i only i knew where to start.

life is full of uncertainties, and sometimes i just need someone to reassure me that "everything will be okay". i feel like life is slowly passing me by while i sit by planning what i want to happen. i'm not very good at letting go and having faith in the future that lies ahead of me. for some reason i think i know what "the plan" should be, and don't trust in his plan. i dwell on the past, mistakes i've made, opportunities i missed, and people i've wronged. i fear disappointing those i love, and failing in the things i pursue. i just wish i could let go and let life happen to me. i know that i have a father in heaven that has a plan for me, a plan that is better than anything i could plan for myself. everything will be okay, it will be better than ok, it will be perfect.

just a coupla things.

2011-11-28T21:39:00.001-07:00

we now have candy canes instead of tiger pops at the credit union, which can only mean one thing, christmas is here! without a doubt christmas is my most favorite time of year! i just want to soak in every minute of this season.
i generally shy away from fashion blogs and posts because who am i to say what one should or shouldn't wear. fashion is all about finding out what you like and what works for you... however, after a weekend shopping with my sisters i have just one thing to say. ed hardy and juicy couture are a serious DON'T! ok, i'm done.
i love, and i mean love my job. {at least most the time} i can see the lord's hand in me ending up where i am, thank goodness for unanswered prayers.
the sweet lady i work in nursery with called me yesterday to invite me over to sunday dinner. you see, she has two single sons she wants to line me up with and wanted me to come over so i could decided on whom i wanted to go out with. that was just a little too weird for me, so i politely declined. her efforts are appreciated though.
i bought the "color code" book at the d.i. a few months ago. {you know, the one that tells you if you are a red, blue, white, or yellow} i have been making everyone i know take it! the simple joys.
running has come to a screeching halt! i ran a 5k on thanksgiving and nearly died... i need to get my sorry butt running, i. just. don't. want. to!
something is wrong with the breaks on my car and i just don't want to take it in because i know they are going to tell me they can fix it for a coupla hundred dollars. i hate owning a car. money pit.
i paid $3.12 for gas tonight, that was a welcome surprise.
i was in st. george last week and didn't even get a 25 and main cupcake, what?!
it's safe to say i over spent this past weekend. why can't money grow on trees? i would like the record to show that if i did have a money tree i would share it's fruits with all you fine people!
my father, brothers, and brother-in-laws are a reminder of the caliber of men that are out there.
it always amazes me how much i love me nieces and nephews. i can't imagine loving anyone more than i love those kids. i'm probably going to burst when i have my own sweet babies.
sometimes i'm in awe with all that i am blessed with, i don't know what i did to deserve all that i have been given, but i am so grateful.
my name is brooke jensen, and i am a mormom. {have you guys seen those new commercials? i love them, and secretly want to be in one.}
does anyone else find it ironic that neil diamond is jewish and has a christmas album? just something to think about.

that's it ya'll! have a happy week!

i got my bases covered

2011-11-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

diet coke, m&m's, silly putty, and hand sanitizer.

what else do you need to get through a day of work?

one way communcation

2011-11-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

life has been such a frustration lately. i've been so over whelmed and feel like i've been taken to the max. it just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day lately. i don't have the time to do everything i'd like to do, or need to do. instead i have to prioritize, and my top two priorities right now are work and school, yuck! i feel like i've been a bad friend., a sub-par student and employee, and not the person i know i'm really capable of being, feeling extremely inadequate. needless to say, i've been really hard on myself, and just down on life in general. sometimes leading such a busy life gets super lonely, and i forget to make the time in the day to actually have a conversation with someone, including my heavenly father.

seeing is that i'm in nursery i don't seem to get much out of church, however yesterday was the exception.... it was our primary program, and the kids sang "a child's prayer" one of my favorite songs. the second verse brought me to tears and was a tender mercy from my heavenly father letting me know he's there and willing to listen.

"pray, he is there.
speak, he is listening.
you are his child.
his love now surrounds you.
he hears your prayers.
he loves the children,
of souch is the kingdom.
the kingdom of heave'n"

i'm so grateful i have a heavenly father that speaks to me, even when i don't always speak to him.

the crowing moment.

2011-11-04T22:02:00.000-06:00

it has been a week. a rough week.
and to top it all off, tonight happened.

i went out for a run right when i got home from work.
i left once and remembered i left my garmin watch, so i ran back in.
then i remembered i didn't have my ipod, so i ran back in.
already off to a bad start.
i drove down to my favorite route and began my run.
just before i hit mile one i ate it.
i don't know what i tripped over, but suddenly i was falling.
i hit the pavement and it hurt. my hands started stinging, and my knee was throbbing.
i was kind of in shock, so i quickly stood up, and tried to brush it off.
i thought i would just hurry and run back to my car, but after about 5 steps i knew that wasn't going to be happening... me knee hurt too bad.
i slowly made my way back to the car, all while trying to fight back tears, then it started to rain.
{guys, i can't make this stuff up.}
i called my mom, and just lost it. i couldn't hold back tears anymore and just sobbed.
she talked to me while i made my way back to the car.
i got in the car, hung up the phone, and then i really lost it.

i walked in the door and my people were all in the kitchen, amy was a trooper and got some tweezers and picked the pavement out of my hand.... all while the little people hugged my legs and told me they "wuved" me.

i know my hand and knee will get better but the thing that won't get better are my brand spakin new {worn once, $133.} running shoes. really, it just makes me want to cry all over again...

i think it's safe to say i've hit rock bottom this week. which means, there is no where to go but up.

tonight

2011-11-03T21:41:00.000-06:00

i'm grateful for "my kids".

even on the worst of days, they can make the world right.

and for that, i love them infinitely!

seriously... what's not to love?

what is wrong with me?!

2011-11-02T21:26:00.000-06:00

you guys, i seriously have a problem....
every ounce of motivation i once possessed is gone. g.o.n.e. don't believe me? let me give you a few examples.

last week i had a homework assignment due, i went into my room to do it.... well i ended up laying on my bed watching friends. homework assignment? yet to be done.
saturday i got my hair done, didn't wash it until last night, that's 4 days folks. sick.
i've gone running once, yes once, since ragnar. so much for training for my half marathon in january.
i have neglected texting pretty much everyone back.
tonight instead of running i laid on my bed and ate a Popsicle.
all i want to do is sleep. for. reals.

i think you get the point right? i don't know what's wrong with me. it's not like i don't have a million things to do, for some reason i just can't find the motivation to do any of it. then i just slip further behind and feel even less motivation to get caught up. it's actually a vicious cycle. i'm just a mess right now, but can't seem to get myself out of this funk. i've decided to blame the fact that it stays dark until 8 every morning now. seriously, can't a girl catch a break?!

thank you.

2011-10-30T20:59:00.000-06:00

let me tell ya'll a story.

i was sitting in my english class last week and i had this conversation with a classmate:

classmate: what singles ward do you go to in bountiful?
me: i'm not in a single ward, i go to my family ward. i don't really like the whole "singles scene".
classmate: really? so you probably don't go on too many dates. when was the last time you went on a date?
me: ummm..... maybe, like, the end of may?
classmate: wow, really? sooooo, like 5 months.... ouch.

thank you. thank you for bringing to my attention what i already know. i don't know why people miss being single. i don't know why people enjoy dating. and i really don't know why it's all so hard for me.

ragnar: part 1.

2011-10-23T19:52:00.001-06:00

ragnar will probably be multiple blog posts. i want to remember every single detail of the experience, and it's just too much to roll it into one post. so, i'm going to start with one of my favorite/emotional experiences of the event.

we {dad, larry {amy's dad}, trent, jacob, heidi, and myself} were in the second van. van 1 started the race at 8:30, by about 11 we headed out to the first major exchange point to take over. as we drove out there we slowly watched the temperature rise from about 75 to 85, HOT! i was beginning to get really nervous, i had never run in anything even close to this temperature. we were getting texts from van 1 warning us about the heat, and that the legs were a lot harder, and had a lot more hills than they had expected. i started getting even more nervous. we anxiously waited at the exchanged for the last runner of van 1 to come in, kimmy made it in trent took off, and our van had officially taken over. i was runner 2 in our van so i would be taking over once trent was done. i grew more and more nervous as i watched the temperature climb to 90 degrees! we got to the next exchange and i waited for trent. i was nervous, excited, scared, pretty much every emotion you can imagine. i watched trent come over the hill and i nearly threw up knowing it was my turn. 4 months of training had led me to that moment. no looking back, just running. trent handed me the baton, and i was off.

i started off strong, i felt great. it was hot, but i wasn't dying. my team was waiting for me at about mile 1 1/2, they asked if i wanted water and i told them i was doing ok. {not realizing my leg had been switched to an unassisted leg, meaning my team could stop and give me water}. i kept running. it was getting hotter. there were hills, lots of them. i thought i would see my team around every bend in the road but they weren't there. i was getting more and more tired and hot. every step seemed harder than the last, and finally i knew i just had to walk. i was so discouraged, i had trained so hard, for so many months, and here i was walking?! i started running again, but i was so hot and so tired. in the distance i saw the "one mile to go" marker, i also saw someone walk around the bend towards me. i thought it was trent, but i didn't want to get my hopes up so i kept pushing on. as i got closer i realized it was! my big brother was waiting for me with one mile to go with cold water. i couldn't help but cry, i needed his support more than ever. we met up, he let me drink some water, and dumped some on me to cool me down. we turned a corner and there it was, my goliath! the final half mile was steep climb. trent suck with me. cheering me on every step of the way. he kept assuring me that was i was doing was in fact hard, but i was doing it. he got me through to the exchange, and we finished together.

honestly, trent was the only thing that got me through that leg, i couldn't have asked for a better cheerleader. i know running is trent's passion, it was so much fun to be able to run ragnar with him and experience it together.

trent jensen you're my hero.

I DID IT!

2011-10-22T22:26:00.001-06:00

I did it! I finished Ragnar. It was hard. It was hot. And it hurt like heck. But it was all worth it, all 14.5 miles of it.

Details to come.......

any last advice?

2011-10-11T19:36:00.001-06:00

ok, any advice really.
ragnar is 9, NINE, days away! holy hell! i'm beginning to freak out a little.
so i want advice. any advice.
things i should know.
things you wished you would have known.
any music suggestions.
eating suggestions.
how to run 14.2 miles in a 30 hour time frame on little sleep.
seriously any {and alllllll} running advice you might have for me.
{even if you haven't done a ragnar}
so please, help me out guys. please, please, please!

words of encouragement are also welcome.

also, a fun fact: i have run 112.79 miles since the beginning of july... pretty impressive right?

forget me not.

2011-10-09T21:30:00.001-06:00

"don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."

i'm pretty sure president uchtdorf's talk at the r.s. meeting was specifically for me... didn't catch it? you seriously do not want to miss it! read it here.

doing my part.

2011-10-03T20:50:00.001-06:00

while i was listening to conference, i had one of those "ah-ha" moments.

i couldn't tell you the who the speaker was, what the talk was about, or even which session it was from...
only what i thought when i heard it.
whomever it was said something to the effect of.... you can't not go to class, or do the homework, and then pray to pass your test, you have to do your part.
my immediate thought was... brooke, you can't not go to a singles ward, or institute, or go on dates, or really even hanging out with boys, and expect to find a husband.
as much as i'd love for the next boy to walk through the doors of the credit union to be my knight in shinning armor, i just don't think it works like that.
sooooo.... since a singles ward is just not in the cards for me right now, i'm going to give institute a whirl.
and that, is what i got out of 8 hours of conference.

i would also like the record to show, i'm not dying to get married, or think i need a husband to make me happy. because i am happy, and i quite enjoy my single life. the fact of the matter is marriage is just the next step in life, whenever that may be. {just anxiously engaged}
i, brooke jensen, am happy.

the highs and lows.

2011-09-25T20:05:00.003-06:00

who is sick of me blogging about running yet? well, i'm sorry. but the fact of the matter is, this is the journal i maintain, and i want to remember the highs and lows this running processes has been. so read it. don't read it. but here it is.

the lows:

6 am runs.
the times i've thought "i would rather die than run"
the inevitable "bad" run after a really good run.
the times that running hurt just too bad to really even run.
feeling completely discourage and inadequate... feeling like i'd never be able to get where i want {need} to be.
the time i tired to run a mile at liberty park and just couldn't.
the nights i laid in bed thinking... "i can't do this."
6 am runs.
weighing more than i have ever weighed. {people keep telling me, muscle weighs more than fat.... ya, ya, ya.}
the times i've completely disregarded the fact that it's "running day" and found a reason why i can't or shouldn't go running.

the high's:

the first time i ran a mile without stopping.
the first time i ran two miles without stopping.
the first time i ran three miles without stopping... i wanted to kill chris at the end of that.
the first time i ran four miles without stopping... i had to collect myself, stop the tears, before i could call my brother jacob to have him relish in the excitement with me.
the first time i ran six point two miles without stopping... seeing my sister cheering me onto the finish line, trying to control the tears... because hey, I'D DONE IT!
the times i've finished a run and thought, "i can do this, i brooke jensen, can. do. this!!"
the mornings or evenings i just haven't wanted to run, but somehow i mustered up the energy to do it.
the incredible support system my family and friends have been.
my brother jacob being my biggest cheerleader. random e-mails, phone calls, or text messages checking in on my progress, or cheering me on. thank you!
all the fun races i have been able to run.
the salt lake half marathon relay.
running through the pain.
being able to call myself a "runner"
runner's high.
those runs that actually feel good.... the runs that make you feel like you can run forever.

ragnar is less than a month away. i'm so nervous/excited! i'm thinking a half marathon in the spring to keep me running, we will see.

......i think i can hear trent upstairs right now cursing my name for giving his kids my shirts from races... oops, he hates that.

social networking.

2011-09-16T00:18:00.000-06:00

i recently realized someone "unfriended" me on facebook. {i won't name, names, but let's just say it was my only sibling not older than me.} at first i was genuinely mad. then i took a step back and realized just how silly that was... mad? that someone didn't want to be my facebook friend? it really got me thinking... why do i care who is my facebook friend? or who follows my blog? or twitter? society has fully embraced networking, and in turn we begin to base our social standing off how many "friends" or "followers" we have. am i the only one that thinks that is totally crazy?! then i thought even more, as great as social networking can be, it's satan's newest tool. be honest, how many times have you read a blog and rolled your eyes and been completely annoyed with what some had the audacity to post? judged them for one reason or another? or been completely green with envy with someones "perfect" life? all things that bring you down... a tool of the adversary.

social networking can be great, and i'll admit, i'm a junkie. but i'll also say, i think it can be a slippery slope. i don't know why i'm blogging this, or what purpose it serves. but maybe it's just a reminder to myself how silly this can all be. a reminder to not get caught up in the facebook, blogging, twitterdome that is today's society. a reminder that at the end of the day it doesn't matter how many "friends" or follwers i have, that there are far more important things in life.

here goes nothing.

2011-09-14T19:44:00.002-06:00

since skin cancer hit a little to close to home this year.... aaaannnnddd i'm training for ragnar...... this is the perfect race for me. the only problem, i've never run 6 miles before.

here goes nothin... please wish me luck.

Ta-Da!

2011-09-06T12:47:00.001-06:00

Mostly due to the fact I hate self portraits I've yet to post a picture of my hair.... But, here it is. I l love it! I've yet to regret this decision....

I did it.....

2011-09-02T15:29:00.001-06:00

hair today, gone tomorrow?

2011-08-31T19:07:00.001-06:00

today my co-workers were calling me "esther barlow" and asking me what polygamists colt i was joining....i mean, can you blame them?

my hair was kind of the joke of the day.... myself included. so much so that the boys {dan} decided they needed to measure the height of my hair to see how righteous i am.

the point is, am at a total loss with my hair. my running schedule makes doing my hair completely useless. i'm not one of those girls that's willing to give up my sleep time in the name of having my hair done. it takes me 50, yes, 50 minutes to blow dry and straighten my hair. hell on earth. and i'm not willing to do that every other day {if not more often to have my hair done.}. so usually i end up going to work with nasty pony tails, wet hair, or curly hair... it's just not pretty. and even when i do pull it up, i have so much of it that it just doesn't stay up well anymore. the other night i saw this....

i have not been able to stop thinking about it since. i mean, it would be cutting 4 maybe 5 inches off my hair. i know that doesn't sound like a lot, but then again we're not talking about your hair here. i've thought about the pro's and con's, and truth be told the pro's out weigh the con's. the only bad thing i can think of is; i've always wanted to have long hair for my wedding. i'm not not getting married, or even dating someone for that matter, but what if i cut my hair and then meet my future mr the next day?... then i will have short hair for my wedding? but then i'd meet my mr... catch 22 right? {by the way, what does that even mean?!} i think i'm going to do it. unless someone can talk me off the ledge, i might just be making a hair appointment this weekend.... tell me what ya think.

i just want you all to remember what my hair looked like today.... yikes.

yup.

2011-08-29T21:03:00.000-06:00

{pin}

i have this chronic problem.

i'm constantly wanting to change things i have absolutely zero control over.

i'm trying, really hard, to do better at letting those things go...

but it's hard, real hard.

i really like being in control.

any suggestions?

sunday night thoughts...

2011-08-28T22:31:00.000-06:00

BABY NEIDER IS HERE!! friday morning i decided it was more important for me to make my way to the hospital to meet my sweet new nephew than it was to go into work... i spent the greater part of my morning at the hospital with jamie and the sweet new love. {whom doesn't have a name just yet.} you guys.... he is so stikin cute, i love him!
last week we got to wear t-shirts and jeans to work every single day... i thought i'd love it. turns out i'm not a jeans girl. i love wearing slacks and skirts. guess i'm in the right field.
last week i made it through all of my work out clothes in between laundry cycles, which is only a week... that's a good feeling. i've rededicated myself to running. ragnar is getting close, and i'm still scared out of my mind. ran a race yesterday {for kids with cancer, not a van of the crap.}, one this up coming saturday... no time to slack!
first day of nursery today... snacks and play time? i'm in the right calling.
wenesday night i ~~cried~~ sobbed myself to sleep, that hasn't happened in a good while. but those tears were called for, it was a rough day, and hurtful words just sent me over the edge. however, it was nothing that a good nights sleep and a pep talk from my mother couldn't solve.
tired eggs in the city yesterday... delish!
i've had 4 people in the last week ask if they could line me up with someone. do you know what i hate about line ups? you never hear from those your being lined up with. talk about false hope.
watched the greatest rain/lightening/thunder storm ever last night at my cabin.
walked out of j.crew outlet without purchasing anything... that's twice in the last week and a half.
i leave for so cal a week from wednesday, i can't wait! i need a vacation!
school started last week. kill me.
ran into someone i know, with someone they shouldn't have been with, this past week. can you say awkward?
it's killin me that it's so dark at 6 am, makes getting out of bed to run a b$%&!...
watched the MTV VMA's with my mom and sister tonight, talk about a good time.

that's all for tonight folks.

one of those nights.

2011-08-24T21:41:00.000-06:00

you ever have those nights where you perfectly aware of:
-your short comings.
-your inadequacies.
-the things your doing wrong.
-the things you should/can be doing better.
-you feel bad for everything you've ever done wrong.
it's been one of those nights. i've been alone with my thoughts too much today...
that means it's time for bed.
things always look brighter in the morning.

{first day of school: wish me luck!}

good people

2011-08-23T20:57:00.001-06:00

i know, i know, your probably tired of me talking about the good people in my life... but last week was one for the ages. seriously. i have such good people surrounding me... let's take it from the top:

my good people week started with an impromptu lunch with sister jamie wednesday day. this girl loves her napkins. {don't hate me for posting this picture, i think it's hilarious.}

wednesday night nicole and i took a date up to park city... j.crew outlet, cafe rio {nicole is the only person i know that loves cafe rio like i do}, and a trip to the st. regis.

thursday night was a spontaneous dinner date followed by a summer concert in the park with bridget.

friday night was a lovely summer bbq with the entire jensen clan, sans jill and cameron. i know i've said way too many times, but my family? the. best.

saturday morning was paige and morgan's birthday party, more family together time at the jensen's. amy jensen knows. how. to. throw. a. party. {don't mind that i look like a member of the rat pack in this picture.}

i ended with week with a bang. meagan and i hit dinner and a movie saturday night. {we went and saw 'one day', awful. anne hathaway is so horrid.}

i'm tellin ya, the best, of the best.

i'm just brooke.

2011-08-23T00:15:00.001-06:00

after looking at blogs, twitter, facebook, and other media outlets today i've come to the conclusion there are a lot of things i'm not:

-i'm not a size 2. {nor will i ever be}
-i'm not a wife, or a mother.
-i'm not a college graduate.
-i'm not a home owner.
-i'm not a saint.
-i'm not debt free.
-i'm not a millionaire.
-i'm not crafty.
-i'm not scholar.
-i'm not creative.
-i'm not nearly as christ-like as i'd like to be.

at the end of the day, i'm just brooke, and there are a lot of things i am:

-i am happy.
-i am a member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints.
-i am lucky enough to have a family i wouldn't trade for the world.
-i am blessed with a healthy body.
-i am optimistic.
-i am a hard worker.
-i am a good friend.
-i am a productive citizen.
-i am funny... if i do say so myself.
-i am sure of who i am in an ever changing world.
-i am kind.
-i am trying to be more christ-like.
-i am going to school to be that college graduate.
-i am going to be a wife and mother.

turns out, at the end of the day, i like being just brooke.

tonight's thought.

2011-08-21T21:43:00.002-06:00

what's on my mind? let me tell you.

2011-08-14T20:19:00.000-06:00

i have 22 misquote bites on my body {and counting} i'm going to go crazy!
it was one thing when people my age started getting married... now they are having babies! hold the phone: this is nuts!
i'm on a serious country kick. l.o.v.e. it.
spent yesterday at 'craft lake city' with cousin kaelee and baby hazel. it was the best.
i did my first 5 miles run with ragnar team mate chris. i won't make myself sound like a better runner than i am... i didn't run the entire 5 miles. when chris and i started i told him i'd never run 3 consecutive miles and that was my goal. so what did we do? we ran 3 consecutive miles. now i know for some of you reading this you are laughing, stop it. that's rude. it was hard and it hurt, but i did it! {not to mention the day before i did a 2.23 mile run and a 3.4 mile hike} big thanks to chris, i probably wouldn't have made it without his encouragement, or his complete run down on the utah football line-up to distract me from the pain.
i was wearing really big wedge shoes at church today, in sunday school i leaned over to amy and said, "do these shoes make me look like a hooker?" she responded, "they don't help you not look like a hooker." thanks amy! :)
i got a calling today... primary worker, specifically, nursery. perfect! two hours of treats, coloring, and playing.... to bad it's only every other week.
i had to get to church early today, when i was walking out the door aiden asked me what church i was going to, i told him his, he said, "to learn the gospel?" yep!
4 years ago this past week i moved down to st. george, and my life was never the same. in a good way of course.{at least mostly}
remember when i talked about being less negative? not perfect yet, but better, and happier.
while typing this i found to spiders in my room, i refuse to kill them like a normal person with tissues or something to the like. instead, bodyspray, i can kill from a distance.
i've been trying to get all caught up on my harry potter, just finished 6. so good, can't wait to watch 7.
baby neider is scheduled to be here sept.1... i can't wait to meet him.
to sum it all up. my life isn't perfect, and i don't want anyone under the assumption that it is. however, i do feel blessed beyond anything i deserve.

boy did i need to hear this...

2011-08-09T22:52:00.000-06:00

i'm a little embarrassed with how badly i needed this reminder.
lots to learn.

things i've learned from running.

2011-08-07T21:48:00.000-06:00

remember how i'm not a runner?

remember how i agreed to run a race i'm in no position to run?

remember how i'm working really hard to become a runner?

well i've learned a lot about running and myself since i've started running.

let's start at the very beginning.

i'm not a runner.
6 am is the ~~best~~ only time to run.
i love, and i mean LOVE my running shoes. {even though i didn't go to salt lake running company and get fitted for them.}
cute running clothes have become an addiction. i mean, it's so much easier to get up and run if you have something new or cute, or both, to run in.
music is a must.
the reward of running doesn't come during the run {usually}, in fact it's rarely if ever enjoyable during the run. however, the reward comes the second i finish and lasts throughout the entire day.
i love when my body aches after a good run.
nothing beats runners a high.
nothing beats the feeling of pushing yourself hard the than the time before and adding an extra quarter mile to your run. or running your route a couple minutes quicker.
i used to see people running on the side of the road that looked like they wanted to die. i used to think to myself, "why don't they save themselves the embarrassment and run at the gym?!" now i realize how hard it is to run outside, and when i see people like that i want to get out and hug them and cheer them on! THEY ROCK!
running outside is hands down harder than running on a treadmill.
ragnar was the best thing i could have agreed to. whenever i don't want to get out of bed and run i remember that i have 11 other people counting on me to do my part. sleep doesn't seem to come after that.
races are the best thing ever! seriously, it's a great way to measure my progress, push myself a little harder, and feel good about myself. hence the reason i'm currently registered for 4 races.
you can't compare yourself to anyone else around you.
log every run.

i'm sure i'll learn even more before my big race, but so far so good!

75 days and counting....

a pie eating contest.

2011-07-31T22:51:00.000-06:00

my 2 cents.

2011-07-30T22:58:00.000-06:00

our family had a little scare last week.
it got me thinking....
life is short.
and there's nothing that says it won't be you. {or someone you love.}
which also got me thinking....
life is too short to surround yourself with people who don't uplift you, who make you feel bad about yourself, or don't encourage you to be better.
more than ever i've wanted to be a positive person. one who doesn't back bite, and lifts those i come in contact with.
i get so frustrated with myself because i know i need to do and be better, kinder.

i once heard a quote, "your name is safe in our home."
since i don't have my own home i guess i need to tweak that and make it my own....
"your name is safe with me."
it's time i stop being snarky, gossipy, or back biting.
i need to grow up...
because at the end of the day what matter is that you value the good people around you.

and trust me, i have good people around me.

the count down is on.

2011-07-24T18:59:00.001-06:00

1 week.
7 days.
168 hours.
10,080 minutes
604,8000 seconds.

next monday is going to be a pretty exciting day. why? my sister jamie was swallowed up by nashiville this summer... and next monday she is coming HOME! it's been less than ideal having her so far away, and not to mention not being able to squeeze and kiss her sweet girls! celebrations are already in order for next week, including and not limited to, a weekend long sleep over and some cafe rio.

team neider, i am ready to have you home.
and just in time to welcome, baby boy neider into this world, i'm so excited i could burst!

hurrrrrrrrrry!!!!

i bet you didn't know...

2011-07-19T21:11:00.001-06:00

there is a lot you don't know about me, like:
i hate being hated. there is nothing worse than knowing i gave someone a reason not to like me.
there are a lot of things you probably don't care to know about me, like:
i love milk. i used to drink a gallon in 2 days.

but one thing i don't think anyone knows about me is...... where i want to live when i grow up.
{not that i don't love living in trent and amy's basement, but i don't think it's a proper place to have a husband and raise my sweet babies.}
so, where do i want to live with my husband, and raise those sweet babies?

in the country of course.
i know, pick your jaw up off the ground....
i can't think of anything better than having land. lots of it.
a big wrap around porch to spend the lazy dog days of summer drinking ~~diet coke~~ lemonade watching my kids play on our land. of course it will have a porch swing for me and my mr to watch the sunset, read books, take in a spontaneous summer thunder/lightening/rain storm, and to have those talks that go late into the night.
i want horses. not a full feldged farm, just horses. i've always loved horse back riding.
i want wild flowers, everywhere.
i want to walk into the grocery store and have people say, "hey! mrs._______, how's the family?"
an american flag, hanging with pride, from the rafters.
a white picket fence wouldn't be half bad either.

i know, i'm a 'city slicker' to the eye, but deep down i'm just a small city girl. whenever i've travelled to big cities i've always loved it, but i'm always am ready to come back to the slow happy pace of ~~small~~ salt lake city.so i guess in a perfect world i'll get my country bumpkin dream.

on second thought, what would the small town folk think of my bright lipstick, and mismatched clothes?!

you can call me kathleen kelly.

2011-07-13T22:56:00.000-06:00

i feel like kathleen kelly in you've got mail...

kathleen kelly: i just had a breakthrough.
joe fox: what is it?
kk: i have you to thank for it. for the frist time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person, i knew exactly what i wanted to say and i said it.
jf: i think you have the gift for it. it was a perfect blend of poetry and meanness.

let's just say i have a problem saying what i want to say when i want to say it. especially in the heat of a moment. last night i had my break through. i said exactly what i wanted to say, no holds bar. the truth is it felt great! i wanted him to know how i feel. i wanted him to know that his actions have consequences, consequences that i face. however that all came crashing down tonight when i finally heard back from him, and felt like a total jerk for telling him how i feel.... why? why, am i unable to tell people how i feel without worrying that i'm hurting their feelings. i'm entitled to my own feelings too, right? it's a silly mind game i'm constantly playing with myself. so i send this question into cyber space....

is it worth telling someone how you feel if they have legitimately hurt you?..... knowing it might {and probably will} hurt them?

to sum it up, this is how i feel tonight:

"and an amazing thing happened. i was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing i wanted to say at the exact moment i wanted to say it. and of course, afterwards i felt just terrible, just as you said i would. i was cruel and i'm never cruel. though i can hardly believe what i said mattered to this man. to him, i'm just a bugged to be crushed. but what if it did? no matter what he's done to me there is no excuse for my behavior.."

on a completely unrelated topic, i work with the mother of this little boy and the twin sisters in the vehicle. one of her daughters is still in the hospital undergoing major surgeries. it's an absolutely heart wrenching story and i can't imagine what they are going through. please keep this family in your prayers!

I'm doin it people!

2011-07-12T13:47:00.001-06:00

I feel like I'm eating my words by posting a full body picture of myself.... But this is how I felt about my run yesterday, for the first time my body wasn't dying. I felt like I can get to the 6 miles I need to be at, although I'm no where near that, but I will get there. I'm not a runner, I repeat, I am not a runner! But I'm trying, I'm working at it..... And with every 6 AM run I'm that much closer to being one, and it feels so good!

I can do this! Right?! I can do this!!!!

my brain is spilling over.

2011-07-05T22:31:00.001-06:00

here comes one of my thought provoking "thoughts" posts...

is it bad that i have to put "shower" on my to do list... i mean shouldn't that be a given?! i'm afraid it's not these days folks. in fact....
we are hitting new lows. wet pony tails, and no make up for work. yikes. which brings me to my next point.....
a couple weeks ago my co-worker told me i don't get the nice guys because i don't look very "manageable". he told me not to dress so nice and cut my hair or something. if i don't look manageable now i don't know what it will take.
when someone unsuspecting adds you as a fb friend do you ever wonder what their thought process is in deciding to add you?
i have spent $124.74 on race entry fee's today alone. bah!
speaking of running. i have been a pretty good little runner since agreeing to ragnar, however i've been treadmill running. today i hit the outdoor pavement, it was like i had never run before. for some reason i thought liberty park would be a great place to try outdoor running, the only thing it provided was a perfect platform for my epic failure!
i had the most perfect 4th of july weekend! seriously, perfect.
i spent over an hour at walmart tonight, i bought less than 15 things, i have no idea what took me so long. i think i walked down every aisle in grocery department.
i want a rich husband, so sue me!
have i ever made a public announcement that i'm willing to give a $1,000 cash prize to whom ever gets me married?
whenever i look and fashion blogs, or people who have full body shots on either their blog or facebook i always wonder, "did they seriously drag their husband off the couch and make him take pictures of them?!" or "who in the heck is taking these pictures!?" i can't imagine asking someone to taking a solo picture of me, but maybe that's because i would never want a full body solo picture of me. you'd have to make it an 11 x 14 to get every thing in.
i attract problems, in the form of males with issues.
the other day we were looking at people magazine's beach body issue. page after page of perfect bodies. after awhile my co-worker looked and me and asked, "is it hard being a girl? like, knowing your body will never look like that?" thank. you.
i'm slowing breaking my diet coke addiction. i'm down to less than 44 oz in a day, sometimes it's tough, but i feel powerful!
i'm ditching the singles ward scene, anyone going to try to stop me?
i never realized until recently i ~~hate,~~ detest being told what to do. i mean i always knew i didn't like it, but i didn't realize it literally made my blood boil. ask me. don't tell me.
do you know what else pushes my buttons? self absorbed people who think they have perfectly awesome jobs, lives, husbands, children, pets, houses, whatever... your life isn't perfect! so stop making me think it is!
replaced.
sometimes i have to tell myself, "you are not a joke." then i think about it some more and realize, i kind of am a joke.

It's all just a really bad dream....

2011-06-30T22:54:00.001-06:00

Let's be honest. I h.a.t.e.d. today. I'm about to crawl into my bed and slowly drift into dreamland.... When I wake up tomorrow it will all just feel like a bad dream. I am convinced sleeping makes everything better.

Here's to a brighter tomorrow.

ragnar, las vegas

2011-06-26T17:31:00.000-06:00

well my family has put together a ragnar team for the las vegas relay. i am running on this team, the thing is i'm not a runner. at. allllllllll. {pretty much everyone on my team IS a runner.} thankfully i have 4 months to get my butt kicked into shape and ready to run the 12 something miles, sweet hell. i'm trying to make more health conscience decisions, starting to get my body into shape, and laying in my bed at night terrified. i have 11 other people counting on my to do my part for the next 4 months, pretty good motivation, but a LOT of pressure! amy already told me i can't walk.....

keep in mind i'm running on the same team as this brother. what are we all thinking!?

and seriously, i'm so terrified, i've never done anything like this!

my mr.

2011-06-18T23:09:00.001-06:00

bridget and i had a very important conversation today. i like to think that bridget knows me better than most. today she created my future mr. guys, bridget has a pretty good husband picked out for me. the deets:

6 ft 1, maybe 2, could be 3, but definitely not 4.
born on april 22, 1984 {that is subjective}
name: adam
dark hair
conventional mormon
he's 27 and not married not because he's a freak, but because school has been his primary focus.
he's in a job that will lead to money.
happy-go-lucky
homebody
sweet, caring, and aware of my emotions. {hopefully he'll be able to handle them.}
masculine
no current addictions, or previous addictions for that matter.
not too city, not too country.

i'm hoping this adam really exists. sounds liks quite the catch.... and seeing how my co-workers are intent on finding me yet another jerk, i'm praying 'adam' comes along first. i would like to thank bridget for aiming so high for me. if any of you single ladies out there need bridge to create your mr. let me know, like i said, she's good.

*just to clairfy, adam is NOT real person, or even based on a real person. he's completely made up by bridget, name and all.

london

2011-06-12T17:49:00.000-06:00

i'm finally doing it. blogging about the best 9 days of my life.... i've had a hard time deciding how to do it, but here are the clifnotes:

day 1: a looooong travel day, including the worst flight from slc to nyc.

day 2: after almost 24 hours of travel we finally arrive in london!

after we got checked into our hotel we came up with a game plan and hit the ground running.....
we walked oxford street, regent street, made it to piccadilly circus, traflagar square, and marble arch all in one day... probably doesn't mean much, but that is a lot in one day on foot.

day 3:the next morning we were off to windsor castle. windsor was way better than i thought it would be. there is so much history at the castle. i loved seeing it all and taking it all in. wouldn't it be fun to be a royal?

after windsor we headed to this place called covent gardens... it's basically just a large market. we got lunch there, i'll let the picture do the talking.

we did find laduree. it's a little pastry shop that i was told was a must, we got some of their macaroons which were sub par at best. {plus they were way expensive!} it was fun and charming none the less.

after covent gardens, we walked along the river thames, stopped at st. paul's cathedral, sat on a bench and next to the river chatted and people watched, walked across tower bridge, we took the bus over to parliament and big ben, and enjoyed every minute of being in london together!

day 4: the next morning was a tour of london where we saw everything from a memorial to prince albert, to westminster abbey, to buckingham palace for the changing of the guards.

after our tour we went to harvey nicklos {high end london shopping} and harrods and found some of the prettiest cupcakes london had to offer!

we decided last minute to go see wicked. we went and bought tickets saw some sights around the theater, saw the play {amazing!} and called it a night.

day 5: our final day in london and probably my most favorite day there. we decided to try out camden town. we had heard there was a great market it, and boy were they right. street after street. store after store. stable after stable. country after country. of great little shops full of great treasures. so. much. fun. and so. crazy! a local had told us we would see the 'weird and the wonderful' boy was he right! {so many pictures for this day, like i said, it was my favorite!}

upon leaving camden town we got on the bus, however the bus was going to opposite direction we need. it did however end up being a fun adventure.

we finally got back into the heart of london and decided to do everything royal. we walked up the mall {don't be alarmed by the lady that looks like the uni bomber, that would be my mother.}, stopped by st. james' place, even saw prince harry, walked around buckingham palace and down constitution ave. sooooooo great. one of those moments i wish i could just relive over and over again!

we finished up london by walking through hyde park, stopping at the queen mum's gate, fish n' chips, oxford street one more time and a few gift shops.

this is our walk through hyde park. honestly i was exhausted!

london was such a pleasant surprise, for some reason i didn't thinking i would love it, but love it i did!

this was a lot of work.....paris coming soon!

adjusting to a new normal.

2011-06-12T16:40:00.000-06:00

i've stared and stopped. decided and decided against blogging about this. i'm just going to do it already.

i don't think it's a secret that i'm once again single. i forgot how bad the fall out of a relationship sucks. i mean like really, really, sucks..... the last few months of my life have been dictate by someone else's schedule. i loved it. someone to be with after work. a weekend buddy. going to all those family things with someone by my side. it was great. now i'm adjusting back to my single selfish life. i thought i was out of the dating scene, and truth be told i was pretty sure i was out of it for good....the sheer thought of dating again is almost enough to send me into the fetal position. through the ups and downs of this relationship i did learn something i needed to. i used to think that being single is just easier. while it is true, i realized how much better {not necessarily easier} it is to have someone. thank heavens i had that realization, or honestly i would swear off dating entirely.

as hard as this past week has been, i've felt unreal peace. although i have no idea why things had to happen this way, i have felt peace knowing things are going to work out. i have been so blessed with so many good people in my life. {i don't think a day has gone by without receiving a text from nashville asking me how i'm holding up.} it's helped me understand that even in the face of trails, we are given the tools we need to endure them. i've kept telling myself i can't ask why? only what? i'm beginning to see and realize we learn the very most in the very least of circumstances.

so here is to adjusting to a new normal. {and by new i mean the old normal.}

hey now that i've finally gotten this off my chest, what do you say i finally work on my europe post?!

when life gives you lemons....

2011-06-07T21:07:00.000-06:00

....you make lemonade. {or something like that.}

this past weekend i did just that.

it was originally meet the parents weekend in st. george.

let's just say that didn't happen. {nor is it going to, the joys of dating.}

i had my bag packed.

in my car.

my weekend blacked out.

i went back and forth.

back and forth deciding if i really wanted to make the trip solo.

more back and forth.

then finally, i decided no more thinking, just going.

45 minutes later i was on the road.

{by myself.}

i arrived in st. george around 10:00 to a completely empty, quite house.

heaven.

i watched the news, jay lenno, and jimmy falon then headed off to bed.

saturday morning i woke up, complete and utter silence.

i thought to myself, "i don't have anyone to keep happy today other than myself. what shall i do?"

i ran to the store to get some trashy magazines and a cold diet coke then hit the pool....

after a few hours by the pool i decided to clean up and go shopping.

i ran to a couple of stores.

grabbed some dinner.

where i wanted. when i wanted.

is it so selfish i LOVED not having to work around anyone else?

i rented a couple redboxes.

watched one of them, decided i wanted a treat, so what did i do?

i went and got a treat.

i got home watched two more movies. so lazy, i know.

called it a night.

i woke up at 11, just in time to hit church.

people, it was worth it. most entertaining fast and testimony meeting to boot!

best part was the old couple behind me that didn't know how to whisper.

a woman after my own heart!

then it was back home....

it was one of the best weekends i've ever had.

travelling alone isn't such a bad deal.

just in time for things to go from bad to worse.

{that could be a blog post in and of its self.}

through the ups and downs of the past couple days i have been so thankful for the good, and i mean good, people i have in my life.

europe is next up! thursday night. stand by.

Dear 18 year-old me

2011-06-07T17:24:00.001-06:00

My little Jenny graduated high school today.... I've thought a lot about what I would tell myself at 18, here's what I came up with....

• your best friend, ya, she wont say your best friend. She'll get married and forget your existence. But it's ok, your real best friends are still around.
•Dixie is fun, and hard, BUT GO TO SCHOOL!!!
• wear sunscreen!
• be nice to everyone.
• that boy in St. George, he's really not as great as you think he is.
• your heart will be broken, and it will hurt like a &$?!#. Time heals all wounds.
• always pay your tithing.... 10% is worth the blessings.
• know that when you buy apple products they are obsolete in 3 weeks: but wait until you get your iPhone. Sick.
• don't be shy about rockin the box bangs. You'll get them well before anyone else, and you rock the heck out of them. You'll be over them by the time the rest of society catches on. trend setter.
• speaker of being a trend setter: you'll catch beiber fever well before anyone else.
• don't worry about the haters, they will always be around.

Dont worry about the rest it will all come!

Lunch date.

2011-06-01T12:41:00.001-06:00

Jared bright me an adult sized little kids lunch.... Complete with fruit snacks, pudding, and capri suns. Kind of cute, right?!

My kind of guy

2011-05-23T20:51:00.003-06:00

Jared is the only other person I know that can have a logical conversation with 2 3 year-olds.

One of the many reasons I'm kind of crazy about him!

home.

2011-05-19T16:15:00.001-06:00

we made it home!

i had the time of my life....

seriously it was perfect!

more to come.....including my brush with royalty. {fur reals}

Anything for my sisters....

2011-05-01T13:55:00.001-06:00

......even if that includes waking up at:
11:44
12:50
1:30
2:47
3:35
4:55
Finally up at 6:45
Only to find out Jackson had an ear infection.... Dumb aunt Brooke didn't think to give him medicine.
A few tears later, Tylenol, amoxicillin, and a much needed nap later everyone is doing much better.

Like I said.... Anything for my sisters!

tangled

2011-04-23T11:03:00.000-06:00

*i'm just warning you, this blog post is dedicated to the inner child in me.

tangled, by raise of hand who has seen it?

if you didn't raise your hand you should be ashamed of yourself.

tangled in one word:

magic.

it's no surprise that disney knows.how.to.do.

that walt!

there is nothing i love more than disney.

anything disney really.

disneyland? where dreams and magic are just are real as you and i!

i'm sorry, i digress.

tangled.

3 weeks ago i'd never seen it, literally, i've probably watched it 15 times since.

i'm not joking.

{4 times alone on tuesday}

i have little nieces who just can't seem to get enough.

the funny thing is, i'm not even sick of it.

seriously, i'm listening to the soundtrack as i type this blog post.

you haven't seen it....

WATCH IT!

you won't regret it.

it's just so great.

don't even get me going on this part of the movie....

i want to live in a world of magic, music, romance, and everything else disney.

ahhhhhhhh....

I like it saucy!

2011-04-22T13:05:00.001-06:00

Let's just say Nicolee and I got a little carried away with the sauces......

iPhone

2011-04-21T23:41:00.001-06:00

I got an iPhone ya'll! Now I can update my blog whenever I feel it necessary! This is big!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a lesson about riding a bike.

2011-04-20T22:05:00.000-06:00

sunday night i was helping aiden figure out the whole riding a bike thing. like most kids are he was worried about falling and getting hurt. he kept saying...don't let go. don't let me fall. i don't want to get hurt. i promised him i wouldn't let him fall, and i wouldn't let him get hurt. but i told him if i didn't let go he wouldn't ever learn how to ride his bike. i would start running behind aiden and let go, as soon as he realized i let go he would stop and put his feet down, and ask me why i let go. i told him that is how you learn to ride a bike, i would assure him he could do it, he just had to try. when i let go i would watch him wilbble this way, wobble that way, sometimes he would fall and look up at me in frustration and ask once again why i let go. i kept telling him it was the only way to learn how to ride a bike. i was growing frustrated, he wouldn't trust me, and he didn't trust himself.

just as i was about ready to say enough, i had the humbling thought. i'm aiden on that bike. i'm pleading with my heavenly father not to let go, not to let be wibbel wobble, and absolutely not fall! but just like i know aiden has to fall a few times before he'll figure it out, he knows i have to fall a few times also. but if i have the faith to just keep peddling i'll get it.

this has got me thinkin'

2011-04-15T23:22:00.000-06:00

do i do it?

i don't want to make anyone else feel bad, buuuuuttttttt...

2011-04-15T07:22:00.000-06:00

i have the best dad in the world!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

i love you more than anything in this world.

i'm so grateful for all you've done for me.

for the wonderful example you are to me.

and for all you've sacrificed for me.

i hope you have the best birthday yet!

also....

a verrrrrrry happy 1st birthday to this sweet thing, miss maisy mo.

seriously the sweetest thing you'll ever meet.

i mean, look. those. cheeks!

april 15th is kind of a big deal in our family.

sums it up.

2011-04-13T13:05:00.000-06:00

my trick.

2011-04-12T20:52:00.000-06:00

{pin}

i've never understood when people say...

"it's really cute i just can't wear yellow"

"or red"

"or blue"

you get the idea.

seriously i've never thought about what colors i can, and can't wear.

if i find something i like i wear it.
that's it.
that's my trick.
pretty simple.

moral of the story: if you like it. ROCK IT!

i looked out my window & what did i see?

2011-04-10T22:07:00.001-06:00

this sweeeeet thing lookin back at me.

"don't worry, about a thing......

2011-04-10T00:49:00.002-06:00

.....cuz every little thing, is gonna be alright."

-bob marley

remember this weekend?

remember my previous post?

ok, now that were up to speed, let me tell you about my week. and how my weekend shook out.

we all get that i had bad week right? right.

soooooo, i was very much looking forward to this weekend.

friday night: date. {that i was excited for.}

saturday: logan with bridget.

within a 5 minute time frame on friday...

i got a fb e-mail from my date telling me he needed to reschedule.

and a text from bridget saying the weather didn't look promising.

boo.

after a few shed tears, i pulled it together, and carried on.

here is how my weekend really turned out.

friday night:

i e-mailed trent and told him if he wanted a babysitter the offer was on the table.

of course they took it.

i spent the evening with my favorite little munchkins.

saturday:

bridget and i sent texts back and forth trying to predict with weather and what we thought was best.

at long last i decided i didn't want to make the trek to logan in the snow.

so i watched the kiddos with my lovely mother in the morning.

nicole offered to spend her evening with me since everything was falling apart.

first up was the mac counter.

we tired on 93434985 different lipsticks.

looked at every single eyeshadow.

and asked the mac girl 1230948 questions.

1 1/2 later, we very carefully made our purchases.

next up j.crew. i don't know why i submitted myself to that kind of torture.

remember the project?

well it's still in full swing.

{j.crew}

i found this perfect stripped shirt that was calling my name.

on sale for $29.99

i die.

nicole and i were trying to figure out a way for me to buy it without breaking the rules.

finally we decided i would buy it for "her."

i thought and thought, and finally decided to just walk away.

good hell! it was hard to do.

my heart hurts a little bit thinking about it.

money will be better spent in europe, right?!

next up dinner at citrus grill.

nicole and i were practically licking the spinach artichoke dip out of the bowl.

to. die. for.

then onto a movie.

i had the bright idea to see a chick flick.

jane eyre.

i won't ruin it for those who haven't seen it that want to.

just know this....

i did NOT like it. beyond depressing.

in fact i made a comment about it being dark in the elevator after the movie, the lady in the elevator looked at my like i was an idiot and said,

"ya, didn't you know its a gothic novel?"

nope.

i had no idea.

overall the weekend turned out just great....thanks yo.

and bridge, i'm sorry i didn't get to spend it with you. logan and the snow must hate me.

m.i.a.

2011-04-07T22:42:00.000-06:00

seriously.... i know.
and to anyone in my life i've been neglecting this week, i'm sorry!
i don't know what my deal has been this week other than i just shut. down.
i'm sorry if i haven't called, text, or e-mailed.
to be honest, i just haven't wanted to.
i've just wanted to keep to myself this week.
{and i hate that i feel like i need to apologize for it.}
i know i've been a poor excuse for a friend, co-worker, child, or sibling.
i know haven't been as kind as i could or should be this week.
i know there are some of you who have made great effort this week and i haven't reciprocated it.
i'm sorry!
but only kind of to be honest.
i mean, it's ok to want a week to myself right?
to fly under the radar.
do my thing.
good heavens, i'm such a hypocrite.
i was just getting mad this someone for wanting this same thing.
that'll teach me.

things i learned from being in a big family.

2011-04-05T23:08:00.000-06:00

play fair. everyone get their turn.
friends come and go....but family stays the same.
your sisters are the only people you can fight like crazy with, and still love them more than words can ever say at the end of the day.
sisters are god's way of telling me he loves me.
the louder, and crazier the better.
it pays to be at the tail end.
as siblings get married i just get more awesome siblings.
i would do anything, ANYTHING, in the world for anyone in my family. {and i know that's reciprocated.}
their joy is my joy. their hurt is my hurt.
i will defend anyone of my siblings to the bitter end. {even if i knew they were in the wrong.}
their kids become my kids.
survival of the fittest.
there is always someone to do something with.
there is never a shortage of opinions.
i can no longer go shopping without my "committee".
nothing is more fun then packing all 6 of us into the handicap dressing room and ross. {all while trying on clothes and trying not to touch the floor.}
i have 24 of the best cheerleaders!

good intentions

2011-03-31T19:40:00.000-06:00

i'm always taking pictures with my phone thinking,

"i'll blog this tonight when i get home."

for one reason or another i never end up blogging....

so i'm unloading my pictures for the blog post of ALL blog posts.

you better ready the whole thing.

there was that time....

i was going to blog about this perfectly purple ted baker purse, and about how i was having the worst day ever and managed to leave empty handed. guys, it was painful. but i did it. sober and proud of it.

then i was going to blog about the time i was going to the festival of colors to celebrate spring and i stepped outside in my flip flops and it had snowed over night. boo.

followed by the time bridget and i ate our hearts out at gourmandise. the drunken peace? de.lish.

i thought about doing a blog post about the 6 pairs of earrings i found in my drawer at work the other day while looking for a pen. i take them out when i'm on the phone and leave them in my drawer. oops.

i needed to blog about the time i forgot my wallet in bountiful but didn't realize until i was in murray with with no debt card and a low fuel light, i made it home on a prayer and faith. seriously!

i was going to blog about how i hate driving long distances at night because it forces me to be alone with my thoughts.

this deserved it's own post. the "sweet talkin' ken" you make him say what you want. funny right? the lady in the same aisle didn't think it was very funny that i kept making him say "hey sexy".

or the time i realized diet coke and red lips are my signature items.

i was going to blog about the time paige cracked me up by wearing: flip flops, mittens, sunday clothes, and a helmet. sweet thing.

last but no least i was going to blog about the time i picked aubry up from the airport, i was sitting there thinking airports are one of the most exciting places on earth. then i thought the next time i'm at an airport i will be on my way to europe with my mom. i can hardly contain my excitement!

81 & sunny

2011-03-30T22:28:00.000-06:00

anyone remember this blog post? i think my weekend is shaping up to be a repeat... which makes my heart so happy! i will be pulling out my shorts, swim suit, and flip flops for the weekend.

if you need me you can find me....

here...

with a diet coke, and coconut cream cupcake.

{from 25 & main of course.}

inadequate

2011-03-29T21:30:00.000-06:00

{pin}

there's no sense in trying to sugar coat it, i mean if you read my blog you've probably picked up on it...

life is just hard right now.

i wish i could pin point why exactly. or what. but i can't.

they only thing i can come up with is i feel...

totally.

{&}

completely.

inadequate.

i feel like it's been a fight to keep my head above water.

i'm kicking as hard as i can, but i can barely catch air.

i've got a lot going on in life right now, and i feel like i do a million things, but none of them very well.

{don't even get me going on school. i hate it, i just want to cry when i think about it. do i really need a college education? i love my job, and i could make it career. i digress.}

the point being, i'm trying.

desperately....

i'm just ready for things to turn around a get a little bit easier.

i'm ready to be sitting on the beach, rather than kicking like crazy in the water.

{ok, no more debbie downer posts. sorry folks.}

wake up call.

2011-03-27T22:58:00.000-06:00

today in church i had awake up call. we sang "lord i would follow thee"

the first line of the second verse says....

"who am i to judge another when i walk imperfectly?"

it struck a chord.

it was an unfortunate reminder that i needed.

i've known this is something i need to work on.

after today i really know i need to work on it.

so i now i have my goal for the up and coming week.

some say 3's a crowd...

2011-03-25T13:57:00.000-06:00

i say it's just right.

{if you can't tell michelle got her wedding pictures and i'm dying over them... her talented sister photographed the wedding.}

these two girls are my best friends.

we have been through the thick and thin together.

i love them infinitely.

so many things have changed in the 8 years we've been friends.

but the important things have stayed the same.

i feel so blessed to call these two my best friends.

did i already say i love them?

because, i do!

there isn't one thing i don't love about this picture.

2011-03-23T22:23:00.000-06:00

www.rememberthisphotographystudio.com

oh how i wish....

2011-03-21T21:15:00.001-06:00

i wish.

i wish i could say what was on my mind and never think twice about it.

instead, one of two things happens.

first scenario:

word vomit.

i say it.

no matter how it may come across, or how it might make someone feel,

i say it.

9 times out of 10 the minute after saying it {or typing it} i feel awful.

i retract my statement and plead for forgiveness.

then i spend the next 3 weeks regretting my word vomit, and convincing myself that person really hates me.

{even if that person has said it's "ok" or "they didn't even take it that way"}

second scenario:

i don't say it.

i get walked all over.

i play fair.

while the other person doesn't hold back.

i think of all the things i'd love to say...

but i don't say any of them.

then i spend the next 3 weeks wishing i had the back bone to say what i wanted to.

then i do say what i held back and we are back to the first scenario.

why can't i just articulate my thoughts better?

and then not feel bad?

recovery.

2011-03-20T15:00:00.004-06:00

{pin}

the project is in full swing.
it's not as hard as i thought it would be, but literally, i'm treating myself as a recovering addict.
do you know how if you were a recovery alcoholic you wouldn't go to a bar.
i avoid shopping the same way....
i didn't even trust myself in saver's friday night. fur. real.
there have been a couple crowning moments thus far that remind me: I CAN DO THIS!
first:
I started the project march 8th, since then i have brought a lunch to work everyday. {expect for the days i've had lunch dates.}
second:
no solo diet coke runs. guys, that one is rough. BUT I DO IT!
third:
i decided these could be returned... that was one pretty painful, but i decided $72.something could be spent so much better in london or paris. plus aubry adopted them, so i'll still get to see them. and maybe if i'm really nice maybe she'll let me borrow them. maybe?
fourth:
i made it out of target last night with only project approved items. that might be a first ever.
fifth:
my europe savings account hit 4 digits on friday.... i'm drooling over the purchases that are to come.

if you invite me to go shopping and i say no, remember that i'm treating myself as a recovering addict... i have to avoid shopping like it's the only thing between my sobriety and total relapse.

i kinda just want to scream....

2011-03-17T21:44:00.001-06:00

....and then curl up in a ball and cry.

{pin}

i usually just go through the motions of life and don't think much of it.

and then i have nights where life just hits me like a freight train.

i don't want to make decisions about school.

hell, i don't even want to go to school.

i compare myself to people around me, and am instantly discouraged.

i feel like i haven't accomplished anything for being 22.

i remember the boy i really liked, decided he was done, and that was that.

i hate my body.

i wish i wouldn't have cut my bangs.

i think about my 2 best friends who will be graduating this spring, and remember i'm no where close.
i feel like i have no bearing on my life.
no plan.

the anxiety sets in.

and i don't want to be alone with my thoughts.

tomorrow's a new day.

japan

2011-03-15T22:49:00.000-06:00

i've been trying to think of something to blog about all day...
and i just keep coming back to this.

i have been glued to any media outlet providing coverage of the tragedy that continues to unfold in japan.

it's the most devastating thing i've ever seen.

my heart aches for anyone effect by the devastation.

i can't help but cry when i watch the footage.

it's hard to understand why something like happens.

but then i remember there is a perfect all loving god.

who hears and answers prayers.

so while i can't do anything to physically help them.

i will continue to pray for them.

i'm yours for the taking.

2011-03-12T01:44:00.000-07:00

i've always had a thing for matt damon.

would you just look at him? ah, i die.

tonight bridge and i went and saw 'the adjustment bureau'....

the movie? sub par.

matt damon? seriously. i was drooling.

i think briget wanted to hit me 15 minutes into the movie, i kept leaning over saying...

"he is SO cute."

"look at him. he kills me."

"i love him."

"i want to kiss him."

matt, your my number one hollywood boyfriend.

if you'll have me, i'm yours for the taking...

seriously guys. he. is. so. dreamy.

really!

i'm going to go make 'i heart matt' shirts.

sigh...

just you wait.

2011-03-10T19:49:00.001-07:00

{print found here}

i'll be honest. i've been surprised and disappointed with people's response to the project.

most people have responded with,

"there's no way"

"ya, right."

"i give it a week."

"you can't do it."

well i'm here to tell you:

I CAN.

AND I WILL.

i can't wait to prove you all wrong.

thanks for having such little faith in me.

the project.

2011-03-08T20:24:00.000-07:00

{heaven help me.}

it all started with this woman, and her will power to give up shopping for an ENTIRE year. bless her heart.

aubry heard about "the project" and decided to try it herself for a month.

she's done outstanding. even enduring multiple shopping trips watching me spend and spend and keeping her card in her wallet. bravo.

two saturdays ago i had a retail shopping therapy session like you wouldn't believe.

honestly, i don't know who i was! anything i saw that i remotely wanted i bought.

a couple hundred dollars later, i was home looking at my purchases, and the thrill of shopping gone.

just like an alcoholic drinks to numb the pain... i decided i shop the pain away.

shopping must release endorphins or something, i can't explain it, but it's honestly a high for me.

after returning the vast majority of my purchases of my shopping binge, i decided it was my turn to join

'the project'.

rather than vowing a year like elizabeth. or a month like aubry.

i start today and end may 10th.

why may 10th?

i leave for europe on 11th and can celebrate my victory in style!

the rules, according to the master...

things i can't buy:

clothing
accessories
jewelry
shoes
purses
magazines
cd's
dvd's
craft supplies
fast food
"non-essential" fun beauty expenses.
frou frou coffee shop coffee {like aubry this equals diet coke}

things i can buy:

a good haircut
makeup
a meal at a lovely restaurant with family and friends
frou frou coffee shop coffee with friends. {once again we equate this to diet coke}
classes
gym
gifts for family and friends
charitable contributions to organizations we currently support. {guess this doesn't get me out of tithing}

no doubt this will. be. hard. for. me.

i'm an emotional shopper.

seriously i will need all the help and support i can get!

here goes nothing....

dear spring,

2011-03-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

PLEASE GET HERE!

love, brooke

do you believe in destiny?

2011-03-06T22:22:00.002-07:00

i do.

here's why....

last week while at nordstrom i saw these shoes.... to die for, right? i knew if i tried them on i would want them. so i did the mature adult thing and just walked away. i'd be lying if i said i didn't think about them more than a few times this week.... yesterday i was at nordstrom again and decided i might as well try them on... only this time they were no where to be found. i asked one of the workers if they still had them, she didn't think so, but she said she would check. she came about out said said, "we only have 1 pair left, and they are a size 8." HOLY HECK! that's MY size!

it was destiny that i got those shoes.

i mean that doesn't "just" happen

follow

2011-03-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

ok people.... i know a lot more of you are reading my blog than follow or comment. so do me a solid....

FOLLOW MY BLOG!

sound advice

2011-03-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

this is an e-mail conversation that took place between a co-worker and i:

cw: i know you are so sad i'm leaving.
b: i am sad, but i can't expect everyone to be a lifer at the credit union with me.
cw: oh don't worry. you won't be a lifer.
b: that's right, i won't be. i will find a rich husband and never work another day in my life....
cw: that is a solid life goal. i'm not even joking. marry for love? no. marry for wealth & stability? absolutely.

i will take that advice with a grain of salt.

at long last...

2011-03-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

after 4 long years, i finally made it back up to the slopes.

i was worried my body wouldn't remember how to snowboard, but was pleasantly surprised with how quickly it all came back to me... like riding a bike.

{which i also haven't done in 6 years}

the conditions were perfect.

i forget how beautiful those resorts are.

i only took 3 spills, and only let 2 curse words fly.

my body is already aching.... tomorrow will be a treat.

thanks to buddy justin for the invite.

i probably wouldn't have made it up there this year otherwise.

boys {&} banana eyes

2011-02-28T21:27:00.002-07:00

aubry: have you heard from "him"?
brooke: nope. not a word.
aubry: you're done, right? if you talk to him the only thing to tell him is you deserve better than to be a participant in his life when and if he chooses.

there's not much more to say. i won't try to understand something i just don't.
as forest gump once said, "and that's all i have to say about that."

on a happier note....
it should surprise no one that i bought 'goldenrod' with my mac credit.
i read in glamour this past week 'banana eyes' are the spring look....
so i got me some banana eyes.
and the possibilities are literally endless.

i promise... it's somethin' else on.

oscar night...

2011-02-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

i did my homework for the oscars, seeing the vast majority of the pictures up for nomination. the only two i didn't get to, the fighter and the king's speech. overall they went about like i thought they would.... i was hoping king's speech wouldn't take best picture, but that was probably because i hadn't seen it. here is my overview of oscar night....

the highlights:

james franco. loved everything about him. i was rooting for him for best actor.
colin firth's endearing acceptance speech.
as always, the red carpet glam.
natalie portman winning best actress.
kirk douglas presenting the best support actress award.
THIS

the lowlights:

anne hathaway.... she was awful. not funny. immature. and that blue dress?! blah.
king's speech wining best picture... like i said, i'm probably bias because i saw almost every over movie.
anne hathaway's monologues.
james franco not winning best actor.
am i the only one that missed all the huge jackman jokes?

the sum it up.... james franco is my new hollywood boyfriend. we made it official tonight. anne hathaway... no thank you.

is this week over yet?

2011-02-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

today i was supposed to wake up in logan. away from my life. away from my problems. ready for a full fun day of bridget.
instead i woke up in my bed. with no plan. no one to spend my day with. feeling sorry for myself.

this week has been a rough one. i have no idea how it isn't over yet..... i faced the week with courage and optimism. that allllll came crashing down last night. a WINTER STORM WARNING stopped my in my tracks. so today i'm just sad. tired. annoyed. frustrated.

i'll get out of bed, unpack my weekend bag, get ready for the day, head to the mac counter, do some homework, play with the kiddos, and call it a day. {i'm sure there will be wallowing in self pity in there somewhere, & lots of diet coke.}

is it may 11th yet?

wednesday night thoughts.

2011-02-23T21:42:00.003-07:00

i have no idea how my room can get SO messy SO fast. monday afternoon my room was spotless. i've been home and awake for maybe 5 hours of the last 48. how does this happen?!
two words. curve. ball.
i have a sick obsession with shopping. when i was putting my clothes away tonight i realized i had 4 yellow cardigans that are almost the exact same color. only differences? what the are embellished with, and where the ruffles are located.
it was a year ago all this was happening. i was convinced that i would never stop hurting. slowly the pain of it all went away. i'm happy to say that today i'm genuinely happy for him, and so grateful for my own personal progress through it all.
there are few things i hate more than getting ready {you know hair, makeup, dressed the whole bit, i'm sure that surprises most of you}. there are even fewer things i hate more than getting ready on a day off.
logan this weekend with bridge. snowshoeing, shopping, eating, aggie basketball. can't wait.
i hope that whoever i marry got straight A's in ironing in the MTC.... not only do i hate ironing, but i'm awful at it. aw.ful. seriously, how do you iron a sleeve without creasing the other side of the sleeve?
how in the h.e.double hockey sticks do you fold a fitted sheet?
be patient with people. you just NEVER know the burdens they are silently bearing.
i've made a goal not to swear. i never realized how much i swore until i stopped.
i'm a neat freak. i need everything to be in it's proper place.
i went to a utah basketball game last night. blah. nothing to be excited about.
spring fever has hit. i'm dying for winter to be over. i want the yucky black piles of snow gone. i want to see bright colors everywhere i look. i want to put a skirt on, and not worry about tights. i'm sick of wearing coats. i want to be outside, enjoying nature. i want to feel the warmth of the sun on my body when i walk outside. i want to spend my saturdays walking up and down the aisles of farmer's market. green grass and flowers..... i better stop now before i burst into tears.
monday i was reminded why public pools are so disgusting.
i thought i bombed my humanities test last week, turns out i got a B. i'll take it.
people are always asking me if i'm never going to have kids because of the sheer amount of time i spend with them. truth be told, i can't wait.
"faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we will do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course entirely uncertain." -president hinckley

wishing i was anywhere but here...

2011-02-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

i'd take any of the following places....

new york, new york

santee alley: los angles, ca

disneyland

lucerne, switzerland

maui, hawaii

disneyland.
seriously the happiest place on earth.

cabo san lucas, mexico

new port beach, ca

is winter over yet?!

no more bad days.

2011-02-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

i'll be the first to admit i'm an emotion driven person.

what can i say? i'm a blue personality through and through.

soooo.....sometimes i have a hard time letting go,

and allowing the pieces to fall where they may.

i wish more than anything i could learn to chilax.

but alas, it's part of who i am.

good. or bad.

today was one of those days i was fighting to roll with the punches.

at lunch i ran into one of my favorite stores, bloomingssales.

i can across this little book, and since i'm a firm believer shopping makes me feel better,

i bought it.

for those of you who don't know, i get to spend the latter half of may in london and paris with my mom.

i figured this book could be my catch all of:

packing lists.

to do lists.

travel lists.

clothing lists.

DO NOT FORGET lists.

you know, all the things that go into preparing for a trip.

so no more bad days.

{and if i'm tempted to have one, i'll stare at this book}

heck! i'm going to europe!

riddle me this:

2011-02-15T20:09:00.003-07:00

what is .....
28 days of love {divided by} 1 over it brooke?
one, but if you divide it by 2 you get 14 days of love.
which is just what i did.
i think i'm ready to be done playing this game. while i have many loves, i just don't have the steam to keep up with this.
i'm a busy girl.
and i want to be able to blog about other things.

although i did have a conversation yesterday that's worth a blog mention.

brooke: dan what are you doing for you wife for valentine's day?
dan: nothing. she told me not to do anything.
josh: dude, that doesn't mean anything.
brooke: right, she didn't REALLY mean don't do anything.
josh: it doesn't matter what she says. she wants something.
dan: well. she should learn to say what she really means then. that's not my fault.

priceless. right?

day 14:

2011-02-14T20:23:00.001-07:00

probably my deepest love of all...

understanding there is an all knowing,

perfectly loving,

all powerful being who is perfectly aware of me.

i read this talk today, and remembered all over again that prayers are heard.

day 13:

2011-02-13T10:59:00.001-07:00

the countless number of good people in my life.

since my birthday is on sunday i did most of my celebrating yesterday.

i sat at two different tables for two different celebrations yesterday....

as i sat at both tables i was over come with gratitude.

i have been SO blessed to have SO many good people in my life.

happy birthday to me!

day 12:

2011-02-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

aubry.

someone else who's always been told they are too loud and talk too much.

we just kind of {ok REALLY} get each other.

not to mention she put together a helluva a birthday party for me tonight!

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!

day 11:

2011-02-11T15:04:00.003-07:00

my health.
i'm sorely missing it.

day 10:

2011-02-10T22:39:00.002-07:00

dinner and girl talk with bridge.

{sorry no pic. my computer is being crazy, and i'm too tired to figure it out}

day 9:

2011-02-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

putting my ipod on shuffle.

turning it up so i can't hear myself sing.

and belting out every surprise song that comes my way.

day 8:

2011-02-08T20:17:00.001-07:00

remember how on day 1 i said some of my life isn't bloggable?

well it's still not.

but just know,

i'm bursting at the seams with happiness.

.....and i love it.

day 7:

2011-02-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

we all knew this one was coming sooner or later....

day 6:

2011-02-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

working off too much super bowl food with my mom.

day 5:

2011-02-05T15:39:00.000-07:00

spending saturday afternoon following miss annie around city library.

day 4:

2011-02-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

jacob andrew jensen

day 3:

2011-02-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

new pink lips.

they even named it after me:

chatterbox

day 2:

2011-02-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

tax returns!

i'm getting a helluva return.