the highs and lows.

who is sick of me blogging about running yet? well, i'm sorry. but the fact of the matter is, this is the journal i maintain, and i want to remember the highs and lows this running processes has been. so read it. don't read it. but here it is.

the lows:

• 6 am runs.
• the times i've thought "i would rather die than run"
• the inevitable "bad" run after a really good run.
• the times that running hurt just too bad to really even run.
• feeling completely discourage and inadequate... feeling like i'd never be able to get where i want {need} to be.
• the time i tired to run a mile at liberty park and just couldn't.
• the nights i laid in bed thinking... "i can't do this."
• 6 am runs.
• weighing more than i have ever weighed. {people keep telling me, muscle weighs more than fat.... ya, ya, ya.}
• the times i've completely disregarded the fact that it's "running day" and found a reason why i can't or shouldn't go running.

the high's:

• the first time i ran a mile without stopping.
• the first time i ran two miles without stopping.
• the first time i ran three miles without stopping... i wanted to kill chris at the end of that.
• the first time i ran four miles without stopping... i had to collect myself, stop the tears, before i could call my brother jacob to have him relish in the excitement with me.
• the first time i ran six point two miles without stopping... seeing my sister cheering me onto the finish line, trying to control the tears... because hey, I'D DONE IT!
• the times i've finished a run and thought, "i can do this, i brooke jensen, can. do. this!!"
• the mornings or evenings i just haven't wanted to run, but somehow i mustered up the energy to do it.
• the incredible support system my family and friends have been.
• my brother jacob being my biggest cheerleader. random e-mails, phone calls, or text messages checking in on my progress, or cheering me on. thank you!
• all the fun races i have been able to run.
• the salt lake half marathon relay.
• running through the pain.
• being able to call myself a "runner"
• runner's high.
• those runs that actually feel good.... the runs that make you feel like you can run forever.

ragnar is less than a month away. i'm so nervous/excited! i'm thinking a half marathon in the spring to keep me running, we will see.


......i think i can hear trent upstairs right now cursing my name for giving his kids my shirts from races... oops, he hates that.

social networking.

i recently realized someone "unfriended" me on facebook. {i won't name, names, but let's just say it was my only sibling not older than me.} at first i was genuinely mad. then i took a step back and realized just how silly that was... mad? that someone didn't want to be my facebook friend? it really got me thinking... why do i care who is my facebook friend? or who follows my blog? or twitter? society has fully embraced networking, and in turn we begin to base our social standing off how many "friends" or "followers" we have. am i the only one that thinks that is totally crazy?! then i thought even more, as great as social networking can be, it's satan's newest tool. be honest, how many times have you read a blog and rolled your eyes and been completely annoyed with what some had the audacity to post? judged them for one reason or another? or been completely green with envy with someones "perfect" life? all things that bring you down... a tool of the adversary.

social networking can be great, and i'll admit, i'm a junkie. but i'll also say, i think it can be a slippery slope. i don't know why i'm blogging this, or what purpose it serves. but maybe it's just  a reminder to myself how silly this can all be. a reminder to not get caught up in the facebook, blogging, twitterdome that is today's society. a reminder that at the end of the day it doesn't matter how many "friends" or follwers i have, that there are far more important things in life.

here goes nothing.

since skin cancer hit a little to close to home this year.... aaaannnnddd i'm training for ragnar...... this is the perfect race for me. the only problem, i've never run 6 miles before.



here goes nothin... please wish me luck.

Ta-Da!

Mostly due to the fact I hate self portraits I've yet to post a picture of my hair.... But, here it is. I l love it! I've yet to regret this decision....

I did it.....

hair today, gone tomorrow?

today my co-workers were calling me "esther barlow" and asking me what polygamists colt i was joining....i mean, can you blame them?  

my hair was kind of the joke of the day.... myself included. so much so that the boys {dan} decided they needed to measure the height of my hair to see how righteous i am.

the point is, am at a total loss with my hair. my running schedule makes doing my hair completely useless. i'm not one of those girls that's willing to give up my sleep time in the name of having my hair done. it takes me 50, yes, 50 minutes to blow dry and straighten my hair. hell on earth. and i'm not willing to do that every other day {if not more often to have my hair done.}. so usually i end up going to work with nasty pony tails, wet hair, or curly hair... it's just not pretty. and even when i do pull it up, i have so much of it that it just doesn't stay up well anymore. the other night i saw this....

i have not been able to stop thinking about it since. i mean, it would be cutting 4 maybe 5 inches off my hair. i know that doesn't sound like a lot, but then again we're not talking about your hair here. i've thought about the pro's and con's, and truth be told the pro's out weigh the con's. the only bad thing i can think of is; i've always wanted to have long hair for my wedding. i'm not not getting married, or even dating someone for that matter, but what if i cut my hair and then meet my future mr the next day?... then i will have short hair for my wedding? but then i'd meet my mr... catch 22 right? {by the way, what does that even mean?!} i think i'm going to do it. unless someone can talk me off the ledge, i might just be making a hair appointment this weekend.... tell me what ya think.

i just want you all to remember what my hair looked like today.... yikes.

yup.

{pin}

i have this chronic problem.

i'm constantly wanting to change things i have absolutely zero control over.

i'm trying, really hard, to do better at letting those things go...

but it's hard, real hard.

i really like being in control.

any suggestions?

sunday night thoughts...

• BABY NEIDER IS HERE!! friday morning i decided it was more important for me to make my way to the hospital to meet my sweet new nephew than it was to go into work... i spent the greater part of my morning at the hospital with jamie and the sweet new love. {whom doesn't have a name just yet.} you guys.... he is so stikin cute, i love him!
• last week we got to wear t-shirts and jeans to work every single day... i thought i'd love it. turns out i'm not a jeans girl. i love wearing slacks and skirts. guess i'm in the right field.
• last week i made it through all of my work out clothes in between laundry cycles, which is only a week... that's a good feeling. i've rededicated myself to running. ragnar is getting close, and i'm still scared out of my mind. ran a race yesterday {for kids with cancer, not a van of the crap.}, one this up coming saturday... no time to slack!
• first day of nursery today... snacks and play time? i'm in the right calling.
• wenesday night i cried sobbed myself to sleep, that hasn't happened in a good while. but those tears were called for, it was a rough day, and hurtful words just sent me over the edge. however, it was nothing that a good nights sleep and a pep talk from my mother couldn't solve.
• tired eggs in the city yesterday... delish!
• i've had 4 people in the last week ask if they could line me up with someone. do you know what i hate about line ups? you never hear from those your being lined up with. talk about false hope.
• watched the greatest rain/lightening/thunder storm ever last night at my cabin.
• walked out of j.crew outlet without purchasing anything... that's twice in the last week and a half.
• i leave for so cal a week from wednesday, i can't wait! i need a vacation!
• school started last week. kill me.
• ran into someone i know, with someone they shouldn't have been with, this past week. can you say awkward?
• it's killin me that it's so dark at 6 am, makes getting out of bed to run a b$%&!...
• watched the MTV VMA's with my mom and sister tonight, talk about a good time.

that's all for tonight folks.

one of those nights.

you ever have those nights where you perfectly aware of:
-your short comings.
-your inadequacies.
-the things your doing wrong.
-the things you should/can be doing better.
-you feel bad for everything you've ever done wrong.
it's been one of those nights. i've been alone with my thoughts too much today...
that means it's time for bed.
things always look brighter in the morning.

{first day of school: wish me luck!}

good people

i know, i know, your probably tired of me talking about the good people in my life... but last week was one for the ages. seriously. i have such good people surrounding me... let's take it from the top:

my good people week started with an impromptu lunch with sister jamie wednesday day. this girl loves her napkins. {don't hate me for posting this picture, i think it's hilarious.}

wednesday night nicole and i took a date up to park city... j.crew outlet, cafe rio {nicole is the only person i know that loves cafe rio like i do}, and a trip to the st. regis.

thursday night was a spontaneous dinner date followed by a summer concert in the park with bridget.

friday night was a lovely summer bbq with the entire jensen clan, sans jill and cameron. i know i've said way too many times, but my family? the. best.

saturday morning was paige and morgan's birthday party, more family together time at the jensen's. amy jensen knows. how. to. throw. a. party. {don't mind that i look like a member of the rat pack in this picture.}

i ended with week with a bang. meagan and i hit dinner and a movie saturday night. {we went and saw 'one day', awful. anne hathaway is so horrid.}

i'm tellin ya, the best, of the best.

i'm just brooke.

after looking at blogs, twitter, facebook, and other media outlets today i've come to the conclusion there are a lot of things i'm not:

-i'm not a size 2. {nor will i ever be}
-i'm not a wife, or a mother.
-i'm not a college graduate.
-i'm not a home owner.
-i'm not a saint.
-i'm not debt free.
-i'm not a millionaire.
-i'm not crafty.
-i'm not scholar.
-i'm not creative.
-i'm not nearly as christ-like as i'd like to be.

at the end of the day, i'm just brooke, and there are a lot of things i am:

-i am happy.
-i am a member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints.
-i am lucky enough to have a family i wouldn't trade for the world.
-i am blessed with a healthy body.
-i am optimistic.
-i am a hard worker.
-i am a good friend.
-i am a productive citizen.
-i am funny... if i do say so myself.
-i am sure of who i am in an ever changing world.
-i am kind.
-i am trying to be more christ-like.
-i am going to school to be that college graduate.
-i am going to be a wife and mother.

turns out, at the end of the day, i like being just brooke.

tonight's thought.

what's on my mind? let me tell you.

• i have 22 misquote bites on my body {and counting} i'm going to go crazy!
• it was one thing when people my age started getting married... now they are having babies! hold the phone: this is nuts!
• i'm on a serious country kick. l.o.v.e. it.
• spent yesterday at 'craft lake city' with cousin kaelee and baby hazel. it was the best.
• i did my first 5 miles run with ragnar team mate chris. i won't make myself sound like a better runner than i am... i didn't run the entire 5 miles. when chris and i started i told him i'd never run 3 consecutive miles and that was my goal. so what did we do? we ran 3 consecutive miles. now i know for some of you reading this you are laughing, stop it. that's rude. it was hard and it hurt, but i did it! {not to mention the day before i did a 2.23 mile run and a 3.4 mile hike} big thanks to chris, i probably wouldn't have made it without his encouragement, or his complete run down on the utah football line-up to distract me from the pain.
• i was wearing really big wedge shoes at church today, in sunday school i leaned over to amy and said, "do these shoes make me look like a hooker?" she responded, "they don't help you not look like a hooker." thanks amy! :)
• i got a calling today... primary worker, specifically, nursery. perfect! two hours of treats, coloring, and playing.... to bad it's only every other week.
• i had to get to church early today, when i was walking out the door aiden asked me what church i was going to, i told him his, he said, "to learn the gospel?" yep!
• 4 years ago this past week i moved down to st. george, and my life was never the same. in a good way of course.{at least mostly}
• remember when i talked about being less negative? not perfect yet, but better, and happier.
• while typing this i found to spiders in my room, i refuse to kill them like a normal person with tissues or something to the like. instead, bodyspray, i can kill from a distance.
• i've been trying to get all caught up on my harry potter, just finished 6. so good, can't wait to watch 7.
• baby neider is scheduled to be here sept.1... i can't wait to meet him.
• to sum it all up. my life isn't perfect, and i don't want anyone under the assumption that it is. however, i do feel blessed beyond anything i deserve.

boy did i need to hear this...

i'm a little embarrassed with how badly i needed this reminder.
lots to learn.

things i've learned from running.

remember how i'm not a runner?

remember how i agreed to run a race i'm in no position to run?

remember how i'm working really hard to become a runner?

well i've learned a lot about running and myself since i've started running.

let's start at the very beginning.

• i'm not a runner.
• 6 am is the best only time to run.
• i love, and i mean LOVE my running shoes. {even though i didn't go to salt lake running company and get fitted for them.}
• cute running clothes have become an addiction. i mean, it's so much easier to get up and run if you have something new or cute, or both, to run in.
• music is a must.
• the reward of running doesn't come during the run {usually}, in fact it's rarely if ever enjoyable during the run. however, the reward comes the second i finish and lasts throughout the entire day.
• i love when my body aches after a good run.
• nothing beats runners a high.
• nothing beats the feeling of pushing yourself hard the than the time before and adding an extra quarter mile to your run. or running your route a couple minutes quicker.
• i used to see people running on the side of the road that looked like they wanted to die. i used to think to myself, "why don't they save themselves the embarrassment and run at the gym?!" now i realize how hard it is to run outside, and when i see people like that i want to get out and hug them and cheer them on! THEY ROCK!
• running outside is hands down harder than running on a treadmill.
• ragnar was the best thing i could have agreed to. whenever i don't want to get out of bed and run i remember that i have 11 other people counting on me to do my part. sleep doesn't seem to come after that.
• races are the best thing ever! seriously, it's a great way to measure my progress, push myself a little harder, and feel good about myself. hence the reason i'm currently registered for 4 races.
• you can't compare yourself to anyone else around you.
• log every run.

i'm sure i'll learn even more before my big race, but so far so good!

75 days and counting....