a pie eating contest.

my 2 cents.

our family had a little scare last week.
it got me thinking....
life is short.
and there's nothing that says it won't be you. {or someone you love.}
which also got me thinking....
life is too short to surround yourself with people who don't uplift you, who make you feel bad about yourself, or don't encourage you to be better.
more than ever i've wanted to be a positive person. one who doesn't back bite, and lifts those i come in contact with.
i get so frustrated with myself because i know i need to do and be better, kinder.

i once heard a quote, "your name is safe in our home."
since i don't have my own home i guess i need to tweak that and make it my own....
"your name is safe with me."
it's time i stop being snarky, gossipy, or back biting.
i need to grow up...
because at the end of the day what matter is that you value the good people around you.

and trust me, i have good people around me.

the count down is on.

1 week.
7 days.
168 hours.
10,080 minutes
604,8000 seconds.

next monday is going to be a pretty exciting day. why? my sister jamie was swallowed up by nashiville this summer... and next monday she is coming HOME! it's been less than ideal having her so far away, and not to mention not being able to squeeze and kiss her sweet girls! celebrations are already in order for next week, including and not limited to, a weekend long sleep over and some cafe rio.

team neider, i am ready to have you home.
and just in time to welcome, baby boy neider into this world, i'm so excited i could burst!

hurrrrrrrrrry!!!!

i bet you didn't know...

there is a lot you don't know about me, like:
i hate being hated. there is nothing worse than knowing i gave someone a reason not to like me.
there are a lot of things you probably don't care to know about me, like:
i love milk. i used to drink a gallon in 2 days.

but one thing i don't think anyone knows about me is...... where i want to live when i grow up.
{not that i don't love living in trent and amy's basement, but i don't think it's a proper place to have a husband and raise my sweet babies.}
so, where do i want to live with my husband, and raise those sweet babies?

in the country of course.
i know, pick your jaw up off the ground....
i can't think of anything better than having land. lots of it.
a big wrap around porch to spend the lazy dog days of summer drinking  diet coke lemonade watching my kids play on our land. of course it will have a porch swing for me and my mr to watch the sunset, read books, take in a spontaneous summer thunder/lightening/rain storm, and to have those talks that go late into the night.
i want horses. not a full feldged farm, just horses. i've always loved horse back riding.
i want wild flowers, everywhere.
i want to walk into the grocery store and have people say, "hey! mrs._______, how's the family?"
an american flag, hanging with pride, from the rafters.
a white picket fence wouldn't be half bad either.

i know, i'm a 'city slicker' to the eye, but deep down i'm just a small city girl. whenever i've travelled to big cities i've always loved it, but i'm always am ready to come back to the slow happy pace of small salt lake city.so i guess in a perfect world i'll get my country bumpkin dream.

on second thought, what would the small town folk think of my bright lipstick, and mismatched clothes?!

you can call me kathleen kelly.

i feel like kathleen kelly in you've got mail...

kathleen kelly: i just had a breakthrough.
joe fox: what is it?
kk: i have you to thank for it. for the frist time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person, i knew exactly what i wanted to say and i said it.
jf: i think you have the gift for it. it was a perfect blend of poetry and meanness.

let's just say i have a problem saying what i want to say when i want to say it. especially in the heat of a moment. last night i had my break through. i said exactly what i wanted to say, no holds bar. the truth is it felt great! i wanted him to know how i feel. i wanted him to know that his actions have consequences, consequences that i face. however that all came crashing down tonight when i finally heard back from him, and felt like a total jerk for telling him how i feel.... why? why, am i unable to tell people how i feel without worrying that i'm hurting their feelings. i'm entitled to my own feelings too, right? it's a silly mind game i'm constantly playing with myself. so i send this question into cyber space....

is it worth telling someone how you feel if they have legitimately hurt you?..... knowing it might {and probably will} hurt them?

to sum it up, this is how i feel tonight:

"and an amazing thing happened. i was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing i wanted to say at the exact moment i wanted to say it. and of course, afterwards i felt just terrible, just as you said i would. i was cruel and i'm never cruel. though i can hardly believe what i said mattered to this man. to him, i'm just a bugged to be crushed. but what if it did? no matter what he's done to me there is no excuse for my behavior.."


on a completely unrelated topic, i work with the mother of this little boy and the twin sisters in the vehicle. one of her daughters is still in the hospital undergoing major surgeries. it's an absolutely heart wrenching story and i can't imagine what they are going through. please keep this family in your prayers!

I'm doin it people!

I feel like I'm eating my words by posting a full body picture of myself.... But this is how I felt about my run yesterday, for the first time my body wasn't dying. I felt like I can get to the 6 miles I need to be at, although I'm no where near that, but I will get there. I'm not a runner, I repeat, I am not a runner! But I'm trying, I'm working at it..... And with every 6 AM run I'm that much closer to being one, and it feels so good!

I can do this! Right?! I can do this!!!!

my brain is spilling over.

here comes one of my thought provoking "thoughts" posts...

• is it bad that i have to put "shower" on my to do list... i mean shouldn't that be a given?! i'm afraid it's not these days folks. in fact....
• we are hitting new lows. wet pony tails, and no make up for work. yikes. which brings me to my next point.....
• a couple weeks ago my co-worker told me i don't get the nice guys because i don't look very "manageable". he told me not to dress so nice and cut my hair or something. if i don't look manageable now i don't know what it will take.
• when someone unsuspecting adds you as a fb friend do you ever wonder what their thought process is in deciding to add you?
• i have spent $124.74 on race entry fee's today alone. bah!
• speaking of running. i have been a pretty good little runner since agreeing to ragnar, however i've been treadmill running. today i hit the outdoor pavement, it was like i had never run before. for some reason i thought liberty park would be a great place to try outdoor running, the only thing it provided was a perfect platform for my epic failure!
• i had the most perfect 4th of july weekend! seriously, perfect.
• i spent over an hour at walmart tonight, i bought less than 15 things, i have no idea what took me so long. i think i walked down every aisle in grocery department.
• i want a rich husband, so sue me!
• have i ever made a public announcement that i'm willing to give a $1,000 cash prize to whom ever gets me married?
• whenever i look and fashion blogs, or people who have full body shots on either their blog or facebook i always wonder, "did they seriously drag their husband off the couch and make him take pictures of them?!" or "who in the heck is taking these pictures!?" i can't imagine asking someone to taking a solo picture of me, but maybe that's because i would never want a full body solo picture of me. you'd have to make it an 11 x 14 to get every thing in.
• i attract problems, in the form of males with issues.
• the other day we were looking at people magazine's beach body issue. page after page of perfect bodies. after awhile my co-worker looked and me and asked, "is it hard being a girl? like, knowing your body will never look like that?" thank. you.
• i'm slowing breaking my diet coke addiction. i'm down to less than 44 oz in a day, sometimes it's tough, but i feel powerful!
• i'm ditching the singles ward scene, anyone going to try to stop me?
• i never realized until recently i hate, detest being told what to do. i mean i always knew i didn't like it, but i didn't realize it literally made my blood boil. ask me. don't tell me.
• do you know what else pushes my buttons? self absorbed people who think they have perfectly awesome jobs, lives, husbands, children, pets, houses, whatever... your life isn't perfect! so stop making me think it is!
• replaced.
• sometimes i have to tell myself, "you are not a joke." then i think about it some more and realize, i kind of am a joke.