here we go again.

well folks i went against my better judgement i agreed to run another ragnar race, the enticing part of this one? it happens to be in southern california. i mean really, how can you say no to that?

there were many times during ragnar las vegas i wondered to myself, "why in the heck does anyone run one of these races". it's the most emotional, exhausting, challenging, hot, uncomfortable thing i've ever done in my life.

so why am i doing it again?

because it was one of the best and most rewarding experiences i've ever had in my life.

it was so hard, and there were times i wondered if i was capable of finishing, but i finished..

i did something i literally didn't think i could do.

as i've started to train for the next installment i wondered once again why i decided to run.

then i remembered this moment....

it was the best moment of ragnar!

finishing my final leg.

aside from the fact that i was done running.

i had just finished something so physically and emotionally challenging.

as i turned my final corner, i saw my family waiting for me at the exchange point.

in my life i have never been as exhausted as i was in that moment.

heidi was waiting for me to hand off.

trent, jacob, and my dad were on the side lines cheering me on.

as i got to heidi she grabbed me and hugged me, tears came.

 and all i could say was:

"i did it!"

and that is why i'm running ragnar again.

the plan

if i only i knew where to start.

life is full of uncertainties, and sometimes i just need someone to reassure me that "everything will be okay". i feel like life is slowly passing me by while i sit by planning what i want to happen. i'm not very good at letting go and having faith in the future that lies ahead of me. for some reason i think i know what "the plan" should be, and don't trust in his plan. i dwell on the past, mistakes i've made, opportunities i missed, and people i've wronged. i fear disappointing those i love, and failing in the things i pursue. i just wish i could let go and let life happen to me. i know that i have a father in heaven that has a plan for me, a plan that is better than anything i could plan for myself. everything will be okay, it will be better than ok, it will be perfect.

just a coupla things.

• we now have candy canes instead of tiger pops at the credit union, which can only mean one thing, christmas is here! without a doubt christmas is my most favorite time of year! i just want to soak in every minute of this season.
• i generally shy away from fashion blogs and posts because who am i to say what one should or shouldn't wear. fashion is all about finding out what you like and what works for you... however, after a weekend shopping with my sisters i have just one thing to say. ed hardy and juicy couture are a serious DON'T! ok, i'm done.
• i love, and i mean love my job. {at least most the time} i can see the lord's hand in me ending up where i am, thank goodness for unanswered prayers.
• the sweet lady i work in nursery with called me yesterday to invite me over to sunday dinner. you see, she has two single sons she wants to line me up with and wanted me to come over so i could decided on whom i wanted to go out with. that was just a little too weird for me, so i politely declined. her efforts are appreciated though.
• i bought the "color code" book at the d.i. a few months ago. {you know, the one that tells you if you are a red, blue, white, or yellow}  i have been making everyone i know take it! the simple joys.
• running has come to a screeching halt! i ran a 5k on thanksgiving and nearly died... i need to get my sorry butt running, i. just. don't. want. to!
• something is wrong with the breaks on my car and i just don't want to take it in because i know they are going to tell me they can fix it for a coupla hundred dollars. i hate owning a car. money pit.
• i paid $3.12 for gas tonight, that was a welcome surprise.
• i was in st. george last week and didn't even get a 25 and main cupcake, what?!
• it's safe to say i over spent this past weekend. why can't money grow on trees? i would like the record to show that if i did have a money tree i would share it's fruits with all you fine people!
• my father, brothers, and brother-in-laws are a reminder of the caliber of men that are out there.
• it always amazes me how much i love me nieces and nephews. i can't imagine loving anyone more than i love those kids. i'm probably going to burst when i have my own sweet babies.
• sometimes i'm in awe with all that i am blessed with, i don't know what i did to deserve all that i have been given, but i am so grateful.
• my name is brooke jensen, and i am a mormom. {have you guys seen those new commercials? i love them, and secretly want to be in one.}
• does anyone else find it ironic that neil diamond is jewish and has a christmas album? just something to think about.

that's it ya'll! have a happy week!

i got my bases covered

diet coke, m&m's, silly putty, and hand sanitizer.

what else do you need to get through a day of work?

one way communcation

life has been such a frustration lately. i've been so over whelmed and feel like i've been taken to the max. it just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day lately. i don't have the time to do everything i'd like to do, or need to do. instead i have to prioritize, and my top two priorities right now are work and school, yuck! i feel like i've been a bad friend., a sub-par student and employee, and not the person i know i'm really capable of being, feeling extremely inadequate. needless to say, i've been really hard on myself, and just down on life in general. sometimes leading such a busy life gets super lonely, and i forget to make the time in the day to actually have a conversation with someone, including my heavenly father.

seeing is that i'm in nursery i don't seem to get much out of church, however yesterday was the exception.... it was our primary program, and the kids sang "a child's prayer" one of my favorite songs. the second verse brought me to tears and was a tender mercy from my heavenly father letting me know he's there and willing to listen.

"pray, he is there.
speak, he is listening.
you are his child.
his love now surrounds you.
he hears your prayers.
he loves the children,
of souch is the kingdom.
the kingdom of heave'n"

i'm so grateful i have a heavenly father that speaks to me, even when i don't always speak to him.

the crowing moment.

it has been a week. a rough week.
and to top it all off, tonight happened.

i went out for a run right when i got home from work.
i left once and remembered i left my garmin watch, so i ran back in.
then i remembered i didn't have my ipod, so i ran back in.
already off to a bad start.
i drove down to my favorite route and began my run.
just before i hit mile one i ate it.
i don't know what i tripped over, but suddenly i was falling.
i hit the pavement and it hurt. my hands started stinging, and my knee was throbbing.
i was kind of in shock, so i quickly stood up, and tried to brush it off.
i thought i would just hurry and run back to my car, but after about 5 steps i knew that wasn't going to be happening... me knee hurt too bad.
i slowly made my way back to the car, all while trying to fight back tears, then it started to rain.
{guys, i can't make this stuff up.}
i called my mom, and just lost it. i couldn't hold back tears anymore and just sobbed.
she talked to me while i made my way back to the car.
i got in the car, hung up the phone, and then i really lost it.

i walked in the door and my people were all in the kitchen, amy was a trooper and got some tweezers and picked the pavement out of my hand.... all while the little people hugged my legs and told me they "wuved" me.

i know my hand and knee will get better but the thing that won't get better are my brand spakin new {worn once, $133.} running shoes. really, it just makes me want to cry all over again...

i think it's safe to say i've hit rock bottom this week. which means, there is no where to go but up.

tonight

i'm grateful for "my kids".

even on the worst of days, they can make the world right.

and for that, i love them infinitely!

seriously... what's not to love?

what is wrong with me?!

you guys, i seriously have a problem....
every ounce of motivation i once possessed is gone. g.o.n.e. don't believe me? let me give you a few examples.

• last week i had a homework assignment due, i went into my room to do it.... well i ended up laying on my bed watching friends. homework assignment? yet to be done.
• saturday i got my hair done, didn't wash it until last night, that's 4 days folks. sick.
• i've gone running once, yes once, since ragnar. so much for training for my half marathon in january.
• i have neglected texting pretty much everyone back.
• tonight instead of running i laid on my bed and ate a Popsicle.
• all i want to do is sleep. for. reals.

i think you get the point right? i don't know what's wrong with me. it's not like i don't have a million things to do, for some reason i just can't find the motivation to do any of it. then i just slip further behind and feel even less motivation to get caught up. it's actually a vicious cycle. i'm just a mess right now, but can't seem to get myself out of this funk. i've decided to blame the fact that it stays dark until 8 every morning now. seriously, can't a girl catch a break?!

thank you.

let me tell ya'll a story.

i was sitting in my english class last week and i had this conversation with a classmate:

classmate: what singles ward do you go to in bountiful?
me: i'm not in a single ward, i go to my family ward. i don't really like the whole "singles scene".
classmate: really? so you probably don't go on too many dates. when was the last time you went on a date?
me: ummm..... maybe, like, the end of may?
classmate: wow, really? sooooo, like 5 months.... ouch.

thank you. thank you for bringing to my attention what i already know. i don't know why people miss being single. i don't know why people enjoy dating. and i really don't know why it's all so hard for me.

ragnar: part 1.

ragnar will probably be multiple blog posts. i want to remember every single detail of the experience, and it's just too much to roll it into one post. so, i'm going to start with one of my favorite/emotional experiences of the event.

we {dad, larry {amy's dad}, trent, jacob, heidi, and myself} were in the second van. van 1 started the race at 8:30, by about 11 we headed out to the first major exchange point to take over. as we drove out there we slowly watched the temperature rise from about 75 to 85, HOT! i was beginning to get really nervous, i had never run in anything even close to this temperature. we were getting texts from van 1 warning us about the heat, and that the legs were a lot harder, and had a lot more hills than they had expected. i started getting even more nervous. we anxiously waited at the exchanged for the last runner of van 1 to come in, kimmy made it in trent took off, and our van had officially taken over. i was runner 2 in our van so i would be taking over once trent was done. i grew more and more nervous as i watched the temperature climb to 90 degrees! we got to the next exchange and i waited for trent. i was nervous, excited, scared, pretty much every emotion you can imagine. i watched trent come over the hill and i nearly threw up knowing it was my turn. 4 months of training had led me to that moment. no looking back, just running. trent handed me the baton, and i was off.

i started off strong, i felt great. it was hot, but i wasn't dying. my team was waiting for me at about mile 1 1/2, they asked if i wanted water and i told them i was doing ok. {not realizing my leg had been switched to an unassisted leg, meaning my team could stop and give me water}. i kept running. it was getting hotter. there were hills, lots of them. i thought i would see my team around every bend in the road but they weren't there. i was getting more and more tired and hot. every step seemed harder than the last, and finally i knew i just had to walk. i was so discouraged, i had trained so hard, for so many months, and here i was walking?! i started running again, but i was so hot and so tired. in the distance i saw the "one mile to go" marker, i also saw someone walk around the bend towards me. i thought it was trent, but i didn't want to get my hopes up so i kept pushing on. as i got closer i realized it was! my big brother was waiting for me with one mile to go with cold water. i couldn't help but cry, i needed his support more than ever. we met up, he let me drink some water, and dumped some on me to cool me down. we turned a corner and there it was, my goliath! the final half mile was steep climb. trent suck with me. cheering me on every step of the way. he kept assuring me that was i was doing was in fact hard, but i was doing it. he got me through to the exchange, and we finished together.

honestly, trent was the only thing that got me through that leg, i couldn't have asked for a better cheerleader. i know running is trent's passion, it was so much fun to be able to run ragnar with him and experience it together.

trent jensen you're my hero.

I DID IT!

I did it! I finished Ragnar. It was hard. It was hot. And it hurt like heck. But it was all worth it, all 14.5 miles of it.


Details to come.......

any last advice?

ok, any advice really.
ragnar is 9, NINE, days away! holy hell! i'm beginning to freak out a little.
so i want advice. any advice.
things i should know.
things you wished you would have known.
any music suggestions.
eating suggestions.
how to run 14.2 miles in a 30 hour time frame on little sleep.
seriously any {and alllllll} running advice you might have for me.
{even if you haven't done a ragnar}
so please, help me out guys. please, please, please!

words of encouragement are also welcome.

also, a fun fact: i have run 112.79 miles since the beginning of july... pretty impressive right?

forget me not.

 "don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."

i'm pretty sure president uchtdorf's talk at the r.s. meeting was specifically for me... didn't catch it? you seriously do not want to miss it! read it here.

doing my part.

while i was listening to conference, i had one of those "ah-ha" moments.

i couldn't tell you the who the speaker was, what the talk was about, or even which session it was from...
only what i thought when i heard it.
whomever it was said something to the effect of.... you can't not go to class, or do the homework, and then pray to pass your test, you have to do your part.
my immediate thought was... brooke, you can't not go to a singles ward, or institute, or go on dates, or really even hanging out with boys, and expect to find a husband.
as much as i'd love for the next boy to walk through the doors of the credit union to be my knight in shinning armor, i just don't think it works like that.
sooooo.... since a singles ward is just not in the cards for me right now, i'm going to give institute a whirl.
and that, is what i got out of 8 hours of conference.

i would also like the record to show, i'm not dying to get married, or think i need a husband to make me happy. because i am happy, and i quite enjoy my single life. the fact of the matter is marriage is just the next step in life, whenever that may be. {just anxiously engaged}
i, brooke jensen, am happy.

the highs and lows.

who is sick of me blogging about running yet? well, i'm sorry. but the fact of the matter is, this is the journal i maintain, and i want to remember the highs and lows this running processes has been. so read it. don't read it. but here it is.

the lows:

• 6 am runs.
• the times i've thought "i would rather die than run"
• the inevitable "bad" run after a really good run.
• the times that running hurt just too bad to really even run.
• feeling completely discourage and inadequate... feeling like i'd never be able to get where i want {need} to be.
• the time i tired to run a mile at liberty park and just couldn't.
• the nights i laid in bed thinking... "i can't do this."
• 6 am runs.
• weighing more than i have ever weighed. {people keep telling me, muscle weighs more than fat.... ya, ya, ya.}
• the times i've completely disregarded the fact that it's "running day" and found a reason why i can't or shouldn't go running.

the high's:

• the first time i ran a mile without stopping.
• the first time i ran two miles without stopping.
• the first time i ran three miles without stopping... i wanted to kill chris at the end of that.
• the first time i ran four miles without stopping... i had to collect myself, stop the tears, before i could call my brother jacob to have him relish in the excitement with me.
• the first time i ran six point two miles without stopping... seeing my sister cheering me onto the finish line, trying to control the tears... because hey, I'D DONE IT!
• the times i've finished a run and thought, "i can do this, i brooke jensen, can. do. this!!"
• the mornings or evenings i just haven't wanted to run, but somehow i mustered up the energy to do it.
• the incredible support system my family and friends have been.
• my brother jacob being my biggest cheerleader. random e-mails, phone calls, or text messages checking in on my progress, or cheering me on. thank you!
• all the fun races i have been able to run.
• the salt lake half marathon relay.
• running through the pain.
• being able to call myself a "runner"
• runner's high.
• those runs that actually feel good.... the runs that make you feel like you can run forever.

ragnar is less than a month away. i'm so nervous/excited! i'm thinking a half marathon in the spring to keep me running, we will see.


......i think i can hear trent upstairs right now cursing my name for giving his kids my shirts from races... oops, he hates that.

social networking.

i recently realized someone "unfriended" me on facebook. {i won't name, names, but let's just say it was my only sibling not older than me.} at first i was genuinely mad. then i took a step back and realized just how silly that was... mad? that someone didn't want to be my facebook friend? it really got me thinking... why do i care who is my facebook friend? or who follows my blog? or twitter? society has fully embraced networking, and in turn we begin to base our social standing off how many "friends" or "followers" we have. am i the only one that thinks that is totally crazy?! then i thought even more, as great as social networking can be, it's satan's newest tool. be honest, how many times have you read a blog and rolled your eyes and been completely annoyed with what some had the audacity to post? judged them for one reason or another? or been completely green with envy with someones "perfect" life? all things that bring you down... a tool of the adversary.

social networking can be great, and i'll admit, i'm a junkie. but i'll also say, i think it can be a slippery slope. i don't know why i'm blogging this, or what purpose it serves. but maybe it's just  a reminder to myself how silly this can all be. a reminder to not get caught up in the facebook, blogging, twitterdome that is today's society. a reminder that at the end of the day it doesn't matter how many "friends" or follwers i have, that there are far more important things in life.

here goes nothing.

since skin cancer hit a little to close to home this year.... aaaannnnddd i'm training for ragnar...... this is the perfect race for me. the only problem, i've never run 6 miles before.



here goes nothin... please wish me luck.

Ta-Da!

Mostly due to the fact I hate self portraits I've yet to post a picture of my hair.... But, here it is. I l love it! I've yet to regret this decision....

I did it.....

hair today, gone tomorrow?

today my co-workers were calling me "esther barlow" and asking me what polygamists colt i was joining....i mean, can you blame them?  

my hair was kind of the joke of the day.... myself included. so much so that the boys {dan} decided they needed to measure the height of my hair to see how righteous i am.

the point is, am at a total loss with my hair. my running schedule makes doing my hair completely useless. i'm not one of those girls that's willing to give up my sleep time in the name of having my hair done. it takes me 50, yes, 50 minutes to blow dry and straighten my hair. hell on earth. and i'm not willing to do that every other day {if not more often to have my hair done.}. so usually i end up going to work with nasty pony tails, wet hair, or curly hair... it's just not pretty. and even when i do pull it up, i have so much of it that it just doesn't stay up well anymore. the other night i saw this....

i have not been able to stop thinking about it since. i mean, it would be cutting 4 maybe 5 inches off my hair. i know that doesn't sound like a lot, but then again we're not talking about your hair here. i've thought about the pro's and con's, and truth be told the pro's out weigh the con's. the only bad thing i can think of is; i've always wanted to have long hair for my wedding. i'm not not getting married, or even dating someone for that matter, but what if i cut my hair and then meet my future mr the next day?... then i will have short hair for my wedding? but then i'd meet my mr... catch 22 right? {by the way, what does that even mean?!} i think i'm going to do it. unless someone can talk me off the ledge, i might just be making a hair appointment this weekend.... tell me what ya think.

i just want you all to remember what my hair looked like today.... yikes.

yup.

{pin}

i have this chronic problem.

i'm constantly wanting to change things i have absolutely zero control over.

i'm trying, really hard, to do better at letting those things go...

but it's hard, real hard.

i really like being in control.

any suggestions?

sunday night thoughts...

• BABY NEIDER IS HERE!! friday morning i decided it was more important for me to make my way to the hospital to meet my sweet new nephew than it was to go into work... i spent the greater part of my morning at the hospital with jamie and the sweet new love. {whom doesn't have a name just yet.} you guys.... he is so stikin cute, i love him!
• last week we got to wear t-shirts and jeans to work every single day... i thought i'd love it. turns out i'm not a jeans girl. i love wearing slacks and skirts. guess i'm in the right field.
• last week i made it through all of my work out clothes in between laundry cycles, which is only a week... that's a good feeling. i've rededicated myself to running. ragnar is getting close, and i'm still scared out of my mind. ran a race yesterday {for kids with cancer, not a van of the crap.}, one this up coming saturday... no time to slack!
• first day of nursery today... snacks and play time? i'm in the right calling.
• wenesday night i cried sobbed myself to sleep, that hasn't happened in a good while. but those tears were called for, it was a rough day, and hurtful words just sent me over the edge. however, it was nothing that a good nights sleep and a pep talk from my mother couldn't solve.
• tired eggs in the city yesterday... delish!
• i've had 4 people in the last week ask if they could line me up with someone. do you know what i hate about line ups? you never hear from those your being lined up with. talk about false hope.
• watched the greatest rain/lightening/thunder storm ever last night at my cabin.
• walked out of j.crew outlet without purchasing anything... that's twice in the last week and a half.
• i leave for so cal a week from wednesday, i can't wait! i need a vacation!
• school started last week. kill me.
• ran into someone i know, with someone they shouldn't have been with, this past week. can you say awkward?
• it's killin me that it's so dark at 6 am, makes getting out of bed to run a b$%&!...
• watched the MTV VMA's with my mom and sister tonight, talk about a good time.

that's all for tonight folks.

one of those nights.

you ever have those nights where you perfectly aware of:
-your short comings.
-your inadequacies.
-the things your doing wrong.
-the things you should/can be doing better.
-you feel bad for everything you've ever done wrong.
it's been one of those nights. i've been alone with my thoughts too much today...
that means it's time for bed.
things always look brighter in the morning.

{first day of school: wish me luck!}

good people

i know, i know, your probably tired of me talking about the good people in my life... but last week was one for the ages. seriously. i have such good people surrounding me... let's take it from the top:

my good people week started with an impromptu lunch with sister jamie wednesday day. this girl loves her napkins. {don't hate me for posting this picture, i think it's hilarious.}

wednesday night nicole and i took a date up to park city... j.crew outlet, cafe rio {nicole is the only person i know that loves cafe rio like i do}, and a trip to the st. regis.

thursday night was a spontaneous dinner date followed by a summer concert in the park with bridget.

friday night was a lovely summer bbq with the entire jensen clan, sans jill and cameron. i know i've said way too many times, but my family? the. best.

saturday morning was paige and morgan's birthday party, more family together time at the jensen's. amy jensen knows. how. to. throw. a. party. {don't mind that i look like a member of the rat pack in this picture.}

i ended with week with a bang. meagan and i hit dinner and a movie saturday night. {we went and saw 'one day', awful. anne hathaway is so horrid.}

i'm tellin ya, the best, of the best.

i'm just brooke.

after looking at blogs, twitter, facebook, and other media outlets today i've come to the conclusion there are a lot of things i'm not:

-i'm not a size 2. {nor will i ever be}
-i'm not a wife, or a mother.
-i'm not a college graduate.
-i'm not a home owner.
-i'm not a saint.
-i'm not debt free.
-i'm not a millionaire.
-i'm not crafty.
-i'm not scholar.
-i'm not creative.
-i'm not nearly as christ-like as i'd like to be.

at the end of the day, i'm just brooke, and there are a lot of things i am:

-i am happy.
-i am a member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints.
-i am lucky enough to have a family i wouldn't trade for the world.
-i am blessed with a healthy body.
-i am optimistic.
-i am a hard worker.
-i am a good friend.
-i am a productive citizen.
-i am funny... if i do say so myself.
-i am sure of who i am in an ever changing world.
-i am kind.
-i am trying to be more christ-like.
-i am going to school to be that college graduate.
-i am going to be a wife and mother.

turns out, at the end of the day, i like being just brooke.

tonight's thought.

what's on my mind? let me tell you.

• i have 22 misquote bites on my body {and counting} i'm going to go crazy!
• it was one thing when people my age started getting married... now they are having babies! hold the phone: this is nuts!
• i'm on a serious country kick. l.o.v.e. it.
• spent yesterday at 'craft lake city' with cousin kaelee and baby hazel. it was the best.
• i did my first 5 miles run with ragnar team mate chris. i won't make myself sound like a better runner than i am... i didn't run the entire 5 miles. when chris and i started i told him i'd never run 3 consecutive miles and that was my goal. so what did we do? we ran 3 consecutive miles. now i know for some of you reading this you are laughing, stop it. that's rude. it was hard and it hurt, but i did it! {not to mention the day before i did a 2.23 mile run and a 3.4 mile hike} big thanks to chris, i probably wouldn't have made it without his encouragement, or his complete run down on the utah football line-up to distract me from the pain.
• i was wearing really big wedge shoes at church today, in sunday school i leaned over to amy and said, "do these shoes make me look like a hooker?" she responded, "they don't help you not look like a hooker." thanks amy! :)
• i got a calling today... primary worker, specifically, nursery. perfect! two hours of treats, coloring, and playing.... to bad it's only every other week.
• i had to get to church early today, when i was walking out the door aiden asked me what church i was going to, i told him his, he said, "to learn the gospel?" yep!
• 4 years ago this past week i moved down to st. george, and my life was never the same. in a good way of course.{at least mostly}
• remember when i talked about being less negative? not perfect yet, but better, and happier.
• while typing this i found to spiders in my room, i refuse to kill them like a normal person with tissues or something to the like. instead, bodyspray, i can kill from a distance.
• i've been trying to get all caught up on my harry potter, just finished 6. so good, can't wait to watch 7.
• baby neider is scheduled to be here sept.1... i can't wait to meet him.
• to sum it all up. my life isn't perfect, and i don't want anyone under the assumption that it is. however, i do feel blessed beyond anything i deserve.

boy did i need to hear this...

i'm a little embarrassed with how badly i needed this reminder.
lots to learn.

things i've learned from running.

remember how i'm not a runner?

remember how i agreed to run a race i'm in no position to run?

remember how i'm working really hard to become a runner?

well i've learned a lot about running and myself since i've started running.

let's start at the very beginning.

• i'm not a runner.
• 6 am is the best only time to run.
• i love, and i mean LOVE my running shoes. {even though i didn't go to salt lake running company and get fitted for them.}
• cute running clothes have become an addiction. i mean, it's so much easier to get up and run if you have something new or cute, or both, to run in.
• music is a must.
• the reward of running doesn't come during the run {usually}, in fact it's rarely if ever enjoyable during the run. however, the reward comes the second i finish and lasts throughout the entire day.
• i love when my body aches after a good run.
• nothing beats runners a high.
• nothing beats the feeling of pushing yourself hard the than the time before and adding an extra quarter mile to your run. or running your route a couple minutes quicker.
• i used to see people running on the side of the road that looked like they wanted to die. i used to think to myself, "why don't they save themselves the embarrassment and run at the gym?!" now i realize how hard it is to run outside, and when i see people like that i want to get out and hug them and cheer them on! THEY ROCK!
• running outside is hands down harder than running on a treadmill.
• ragnar was the best thing i could have agreed to. whenever i don't want to get out of bed and run i remember that i have 11 other people counting on me to do my part. sleep doesn't seem to come after that.
• races are the best thing ever! seriously, it's a great way to measure my progress, push myself a little harder, and feel good about myself. hence the reason i'm currently registered for 4 races.
• you can't compare yourself to anyone else around you.
• log every run.

i'm sure i'll learn even more before my big race, but so far so good!

75 days and counting....



a pie eating contest.

my 2 cents.

our family had a little scare last week.
it got me thinking....
life is short.
and there's nothing that says it won't be you. {or someone you love.}
which also got me thinking....
life is too short to surround yourself with people who don't uplift you, who make you feel bad about yourself, or don't encourage you to be better.
more than ever i've wanted to be a positive person. one who doesn't back bite, and lifts those i come in contact with.
i get so frustrated with myself because i know i need to do and be better, kinder.

i once heard a quote, "your name is safe in our home."
since i don't have my own home i guess i need to tweak that and make it my own....
"your name is safe with me."
it's time i stop being snarky, gossipy, or back biting.
i need to grow up...
because at the end of the day what matter is that you value the good people around you.

and trust me, i have good people around me.

the count down is on.

1 week.
7 days.
168 hours.
10,080 minutes
604,8000 seconds.

next monday is going to be a pretty exciting day. why? my sister jamie was swallowed up by nashiville this summer... and next monday she is coming HOME! it's been less than ideal having her so far away, and not to mention not being able to squeeze and kiss her sweet girls! celebrations are already in order for next week, including and not limited to, a weekend long sleep over and some cafe rio.

team neider, i am ready to have you home.
and just in time to welcome, baby boy neider into this world, i'm so excited i could burst!

hurrrrrrrrrry!!!!

i bet you didn't know...

there is a lot you don't know about me, like:
i hate being hated. there is nothing worse than knowing i gave someone a reason not to like me.
there are a lot of things you probably don't care to know about me, like:
i love milk. i used to drink a gallon in 2 days.

but one thing i don't think anyone knows about me is...... where i want to live when i grow up.
{not that i don't love living in trent and amy's basement, but i don't think it's a proper place to have a husband and raise my sweet babies.}
so, where do i want to live with my husband, and raise those sweet babies?

in the country of course.
i know, pick your jaw up off the ground....
i can't think of anything better than having land. lots of it.
a big wrap around porch to spend the lazy dog days of summer drinking  diet coke lemonade watching my kids play on our land. of course it will have a porch swing for me and my mr to watch the sunset, read books, take in a spontaneous summer thunder/lightening/rain storm, and to have those talks that go late into the night.
i want horses. not a full feldged farm, just horses. i've always loved horse back riding.
i want wild flowers, everywhere.
i want to walk into the grocery store and have people say, "hey! mrs._______, how's the family?"
an american flag, hanging with pride, from the rafters.
a white picket fence wouldn't be half bad either.

i know, i'm a 'city slicker' to the eye, but deep down i'm just a small city girl. whenever i've travelled to big cities i've always loved it, but i'm always am ready to come back to the slow happy pace of small salt lake city.so i guess in a perfect world i'll get my country bumpkin dream.

on second thought, what would the small town folk think of my bright lipstick, and mismatched clothes?!

you can call me kathleen kelly.

i feel like kathleen kelly in you've got mail...

kathleen kelly: i just had a breakthrough.
joe fox: what is it?
kk: i have you to thank for it. for the frist time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person, i knew exactly what i wanted to say and i said it.
jf: i think you have the gift for it. it was a perfect blend of poetry and meanness.

let's just say i have a problem saying what i want to say when i want to say it. especially in the heat of a moment. last night i had my break through. i said exactly what i wanted to say, no holds bar. the truth is it felt great! i wanted him to know how i feel. i wanted him to know that his actions have consequences, consequences that i face. however that all came crashing down tonight when i finally heard back from him, and felt like a total jerk for telling him how i feel.... why? why, am i unable to tell people how i feel without worrying that i'm hurting their feelings. i'm entitled to my own feelings too, right? it's a silly mind game i'm constantly playing with myself. so i send this question into cyber space....

is it worth telling someone how you feel if they have legitimately hurt you?..... knowing it might {and probably will} hurt them?

to sum it up, this is how i feel tonight:

"and an amazing thing happened. i was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing i wanted to say at the exact moment i wanted to say it. and of course, afterwards i felt just terrible, just as you said i would. i was cruel and i'm never cruel. though i can hardly believe what i said mattered to this man. to him, i'm just a bugged to be crushed. but what if it did? no matter what he's done to me there is no excuse for my behavior.."


on a completely unrelated topic, i work with the mother of this little boy and the twin sisters in the vehicle. one of her daughters is still in the hospital undergoing major surgeries. it's an absolutely heart wrenching story and i can't imagine what they are going through. please keep this family in your prayers!

I'm doin it people!

I feel like I'm eating my words by posting a full body picture of myself.... But this is how I felt about my run yesterday, for the first time my body wasn't dying. I felt like I can get to the 6 miles I need to be at, although I'm no where near that, but I will get there. I'm not a runner, I repeat, I am not a runner! But I'm trying, I'm working at it..... And with every 6 AM run I'm that much closer to being one, and it feels so good!

I can do this! Right?! I can do this!!!!

my brain is spilling over.

here comes one of my thought provoking "thoughts" posts...

• is it bad that i have to put "shower" on my to do list... i mean shouldn't that be a given?! i'm afraid it's not these days folks. in fact....
• we are hitting new lows. wet pony tails, and no make up for work. yikes. which brings me to my next point.....
• a couple weeks ago my co-worker told me i don't get the nice guys because i don't look very "manageable". he told me not to dress so nice and cut my hair or something. if i don't look manageable now i don't know what it will take.
• when someone unsuspecting adds you as a fb friend do you ever wonder what their thought process is in deciding to add you?
• i have spent $124.74 on race entry fee's today alone. bah!
• speaking of running. i have been a pretty good little runner since agreeing to ragnar, however i've been treadmill running. today i hit the outdoor pavement, it was like i had never run before. for some reason i thought liberty park would be a great place to try outdoor running, the only thing it provided was a perfect platform for my epic failure!
• i had the most perfect 4th of july weekend! seriously, perfect.
• i spent over an hour at walmart tonight, i bought less than 15 things, i have no idea what took me so long. i think i walked down every aisle in grocery department.
• i want a rich husband, so sue me!
• have i ever made a public announcement that i'm willing to give a $1,000 cash prize to whom ever gets me married?
• whenever i look and fashion blogs, or people who have full body shots on either their blog or facebook i always wonder, "did they seriously drag their husband off the couch and make him take pictures of them?!" or "who in the heck is taking these pictures!?" i can't imagine asking someone to taking a solo picture of me, but maybe that's because i would never want a full body solo picture of me. you'd have to make it an 11 x 14 to get every thing in.
• i attract problems, in the form of males with issues.
• the other day we were looking at people magazine's beach body issue. page after page of perfect bodies. after awhile my co-worker looked and me and asked, "is it hard being a girl? like, knowing your body will never look like that?" thank. you.
• i'm slowing breaking my diet coke addiction. i'm down to less than 44 oz in a day, sometimes it's tough, but i feel powerful!
• i'm ditching the singles ward scene, anyone going to try to stop me?
• i never realized until recently i hate, detest being told what to do. i mean i always knew i didn't like it, but i didn't realize it literally made my blood boil. ask me. don't tell me.
• do you know what else pushes my buttons? self absorbed people who think they have perfectly awesome jobs, lives, husbands, children, pets, houses, whatever... your life isn't perfect! so stop making me think it is!
• replaced.
• sometimes i have to tell myself, "you are not a joke." then i think about it some more and realize, i kind of am a joke.

It's all just a really bad dream....

Let's be honest. I h.a.t.e.d. today. I'm about to crawl into my bed and slowly drift into dreamland.... When I wake up tomorrow it will all just feel like a bad dream. I am convinced sleeping makes everything better.

Here's to a brighter tomorrow.

ragnar, las vegas

well my family has put together a ragnar team for the las vegas relay. i am running on this team, the thing is i'm not a runner. at. allllllllll. {pretty much everyone on my team IS a runner.} thankfully i have 4 months to get my butt kicked into shape and ready to run the 12 something miles, sweet hell. i'm trying to make more health conscience decisions, starting to get my body into shape, and laying in my bed at night terrified. i have 11 other people counting on my to do my part for the next 4 months, pretty good motivation, but a LOT of pressure! amy already told me i can't walk.....

keep in mind i'm running on the same team as this brother. what are we all thinking!?

and seriously, i'm so terrified, i've never done anything like this!

my mr.

bridget and i had a very important conversation today. i like to think that bridget knows me better than most. today she created my future mr. guys, bridget has a pretty good husband picked out for me. the deets:

• 6 ft 1, maybe 2, could be 3, but definitely not 4.
• born on april 22, 1984 {that is subjective}
• name: adam
• dark hair
• conventional mormon
• he's 27 and not married not because he's a freak, but because school has been his primary focus.
• he's in a job that will lead to money.
• happy-go-lucky
• homebody
• sweet, caring, and aware of my emotions. {hopefully he'll be able to handle them.}
• masculine
• no current addictions, or previous addictions for that matter.
• not too city, not too country.

i'm hoping this adam really exists. sounds liks quite the catch.... and seeing how my co-workers are intent on finding me yet another jerk, i'm praying 'adam' comes along first. i would like to thank bridget for aiming so high for me. if any of you single ladies out there need bridge to create your mr. let me know, like i said, she's good.

*just to clairfy, adam is NOT  real person, or even based on a real person. he's completely made up by bridget, name and all.

london

i'm finally doing it. blogging about the best 9 days of my life.... i've had a hard time deciding how to do it, but here are the clifnotes:

day 1: a looooong travel day, including the worst flight from slc to nyc.

day 2: after almost 24 hours of travel we finally arrive in london!

after we got checked into our hotel we came up with a game plan and hit the ground running.....
we walked oxford street, regent street, made it to piccadilly circus, traflagar square, and marble arch all in one day... probably doesn't mean much, but that is a lot in one day on foot.

day 3:the next morning we were off to windsor castle. windsor was way better than i thought it would be. there is so much history at the castle. i loved seeing it all and taking it all in. wouldn't it be fun to be a royal?

after windsor we headed to this place called covent gardens... it's basically just a large market. we got lunch there, i'll let the picture do the talking.

we did find laduree. it's a little pastry shop that i was told was a must, we got some of their macaroons which were sub par at best. {plus they were way expensive!} it was fun and charming none the less.

after covent gardens, we walked along the river thames, stopped at st. paul's cathedral, sat on a bench and next to the river chatted and people watched, walked across tower bridge, we took the bus over to parliament and big ben, and enjoyed every minute of being in london together!

day 4: the next morning was a tour of london where we saw everything from a memorial to prince albert, to westminster abbey, to buckingham palace for the changing of the guards.

after our tour we went to harvey nicklos {high end london shopping} and harrods and found some of the prettiest cupcakes london had to offer!

we decided last minute to go see wicked. we went and bought tickets saw some sights around the theater, saw the play {amazing!} and called it a night.

day 5: our final day in london and probably my most favorite day there. we decided to try out camden town. we had heard there was a great market it, and boy were they right. street after street. store after store. stable after stable. country after country. of great little shops full of great treasures. so. much. fun. and so. crazy! a local had told us we would see the 'weird and the wonderful' boy was he right! {so many pictures for this day, like i said, it was my favorite!}



upon leaving camden town we got on the bus, however the bus was going to opposite direction we need. it did however end up being a fun adventure.

we finally got back into the heart of london and decided to do everything royal. we walked up the mall {don't be alarmed by the lady that looks like the uni bomber, that would be my mother.}, stopped by st. james' place, even saw prince harry, walked around buckingham palace and down constitution ave. sooooooo great. one of those moments i wish i could just relive over and over again!

we finished up london by walking through hyde park, stopping at the queen mum's gate, fish n' chips, oxford street one more time and a few gift shops.

                                      this is our walk through hyde park. honestly i  was exhausted!

london was such a pleasant surprise, for some reason i didn't thinking i would love it, but love it i did!

this was a lot of work.....paris coming soon!