one way communcation

life has been such a frustration lately. i've been so over whelmed and feel like i've been taken to the max. it just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day lately. i don't have the time to do everything i'd like to do, or need to do. instead i have to prioritize, and my top two priorities right now are work and school, yuck! i feel like i've been a bad friend., a sub-par student and employee, and not the person i know i'm really capable of being, feeling extremely inadequate. needless to say, i've been really hard on myself, and just down on life in general. sometimes leading such a busy life gets super lonely, and i forget to make the time in the day to actually have a conversation with someone, including my heavenly father.

seeing is that i'm in nursery i don't seem to get much out of church, however yesterday was the exception.... it was our primary program, and the kids sang "a child's prayer" one of my favorite songs. the second verse brought me to tears and was a tender mercy from my heavenly father letting me know he's there and willing to listen.

"pray, he is there.
speak, he is listening.
you are his child.
his love now surrounds you.
he hears your prayers.
he loves the children,
of souch is the kingdom.
the kingdom of heave'n"

i'm so grateful i have a heavenly father that speaks to me, even when i don't always speak to him.

the crowing moment.

it has been a week. a rough week.
and to top it all off, tonight happened.

i went out for a run right when i got home from work.
i left once and remembered i left my garmin watch, so i ran back in.
then i remembered i didn't have my ipod, so i ran back in.
already off to a bad start.
i drove down to my favorite route and began my run.
just before i hit mile one i ate it.
i don't know what i tripped over, but suddenly i was falling.
i hit the pavement and it hurt. my hands started stinging, and my knee was throbbing.
i was kind of in shock, so i quickly stood up, and tried to brush it off.
i thought i would just hurry and run back to my car, but after about 5 steps i knew that wasn't going to be happening... me knee hurt too bad.
i slowly made my way back to the car, all while trying to fight back tears, then it started to rain.
{guys, i can't make this stuff up.}
i called my mom, and just lost it. i couldn't hold back tears anymore and just sobbed.
she talked to me while i made my way back to the car.
i got in the car, hung up the phone, and then i really lost it.

i walked in the door and my people were all in the kitchen, amy was a trooper and got some tweezers and picked the pavement out of my hand.... all while the little people hugged my legs and told me they "wuved" me.

i know my hand and knee will get better but the thing that won't get better are my brand spakin new {worn once, $133.} running shoes. really, it just makes me want to cry all over again...

i think it's safe to say i've hit rock bottom this week. which means, there is no where to go but up.

tonight

i'm grateful for "my kids".

even on the worst of days, they can make the world right.

and for that, i love them infinitely!

seriously... what's not to love?

what is wrong with me?!

you guys, i seriously have a problem....
every ounce of motivation i once possessed is gone. g.o.n.e. don't believe me? let me give you a few examples.

• last week i had a homework assignment due, i went into my room to do it.... well i ended up laying on my bed watching friends. homework assignment? yet to be done.
• saturday i got my hair done, didn't wash it until last night, that's 4 days folks. sick.
• i've gone running once, yes once, since ragnar. so much for training for my half marathon in january.
• i have neglected texting pretty much everyone back.
• tonight instead of running i laid on my bed and ate a Popsicle.
• all i want to do is sleep. for. reals.

i think you get the point right? i don't know what's wrong with me. it's not like i don't have a million things to do, for some reason i just can't find the motivation to do any of it. then i just slip further behind and feel even less motivation to get caught up. it's actually a vicious cycle. i'm just a mess right now, but can't seem to get myself out of this funk. i've decided to blame the fact that it stays dark until 8 every morning now. seriously, can't a girl catch a break?!

thank you.

let me tell ya'll a story.

i was sitting in my english class last week and i had this conversation with a classmate:

classmate: what singles ward do you go to in bountiful?
me: i'm not in a single ward, i go to my family ward. i don't really like the whole "singles scene".
classmate: really? so you probably don't go on too many dates. when was the last time you went on a date?
me: ummm..... maybe, like, the end of may?
classmate: wow, really? sooooo, like 5 months.... ouch.

thank you. thank you for bringing to my attention what i already know. i don't know why people miss being single. i don't know why people enjoy dating. and i really don't know why it's all so hard for me.

ragnar: part 1.

ragnar will probably be multiple blog posts. i want to remember every single detail of the experience, and it's just too much to roll it into one post. so, i'm going to start with one of my favorite/emotional experiences of the event.

we {dad, larry {amy's dad}, trent, jacob, heidi, and myself} were in the second van. van 1 started the race at 8:30, by about 11 we headed out to the first major exchange point to take over. as we drove out there we slowly watched the temperature rise from about 75 to 85, HOT! i was beginning to get really nervous, i had never run in anything even close to this temperature. we were getting texts from van 1 warning us about the heat, and that the legs were a lot harder, and had a lot more hills than they had expected. i started getting even more nervous. we anxiously waited at the exchanged for the last runner of van 1 to come in, kimmy made it in trent took off, and our van had officially taken over. i was runner 2 in our van so i would be taking over once trent was done. i grew more and more nervous as i watched the temperature climb to 90 degrees! we got to the next exchange and i waited for trent. i was nervous, excited, scared, pretty much every emotion you can imagine. i watched trent come over the hill and i nearly threw up knowing it was my turn. 4 months of training had led me to that moment. no looking back, just running. trent handed me the baton, and i was off.

i started off strong, i felt great. it was hot, but i wasn't dying. my team was waiting for me at about mile 1 1/2, they asked if i wanted water and i told them i was doing ok. {not realizing my leg had been switched to an unassisted leg, meaning my team could stop and give me water}. i kept running. it was getting hotter. there were hills, lots of them. i thought i would see my team around every bend in the road but they weren't there. i was getting more and more tired and hot. every step seemed harder than the last, and finally i knew i just had to walk. i was so discouraged, i had trained so hard, for so many months, and here i was walking?! i started running again, but i was so hot and so tired. in the distance i saw the "one mile to go" marker, i also saw someone walk around the bend towards me. i thought it was trent, but i didn't want to get my hopes up so i kept pushing on. as i got closer i realized it was! my big brother was waiting for me with one mile to go with cold water. i couldn't help but cry, i needed his support more than ever. we met up, he let me drink some water, and dumped some on me to cool me down. we turned a corner and there it was, my goliath! the final half mile was steep climb. trent suck with me. cheering me on every step of the way. he kept assuring me that was i was doing was in fact hard, but i was doing it. he got me through to the exchange, and we finished together.

honestly, trent was the only thing that got me through that leg, i couldn't have asked for a better cheerleader. i know running is trent's passion, it was so much fun to be able to run ragnar with him and experience it together.

trent jensen you're my hero.

I DID IT!

I did it! I finished Ragnar. It was hard. It was hot. And it hurt like heck. But it was all worth it, all 14.5 miles of it.


Details to come.......

any last advice?

ok, any advice really.
ragnar is 9, NINE, days away! holy hell! i'm beginning to freak out a little.
so i want advice. any advice.
things i should know.
things you wished you would have known.
any music suggestions.
eating suggestions.
how to run 14.2 miles in a 30 hour time frame on little sleep.
seriously any {and alllllll} running advice you might have for me.
{even if you haven't done a ragnar}
so please, help me out guys. please, please, please!

words of encouragement are also welcome.

also, a fun fact: i have run 112.79 miles since the beginning of july... pretty impressive right?

forget me not.

 "don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."

i'm pretty sure president uchtdorf's talk at the r.s. meeting was specifically for me... didn't catch it? you seriously do not want to miss it! read it here.

doing my part.

while i was listening to conference, i had one of those "ah-ha" moments.

i couldn't tell you the who the speaker was, what the talk was about, or even which session it was from...
only what i thought when i heard it.
whomever it was said something to the effect of.... you can't not go to class, or do the homework, and then pray to pass your test, you have to do your part.
my immediate thought was... brooke, you can't not go to a singles ward, or institute, or go on dates, or really even hanging out with boys, and expect to find a husband.
as much as i'd love for the next boy to walk through the doors of the credit union to be my knight in shinning armor, i just don't think it works like that.
sooooo.... since a singles ward is just not in the cards for me right now, i'm going to give institute a whirl.
and that, is what i got out of 8 hours of conference.

i would also like the record to show, i'm not dying to get married, or think i need a husband to make me happy. because i am happy, and i quite enjoy my single life. the fact of the matter is marriage is just the next step in life, whenever that may be. {just anxiously engaged}
i, brooke jensen, am happy.

the highs and lows.

who is sick of me blogging about running yet? well, i'm sorry. but the fact of the matter is, this is the journal i maintain, and i want to remember the highs and lows this running processes has been. so read it. don't read it. but here it is.

the lows:

• 6 am runs.
• the times i've thought "i would rather die than run"
• the inevitable "bad" run after a really good run.
• the times that running hurt just too bad to really even run.
• feeling completely discourage and inadequate... feeling like i'd never be able to get where i want {need} to be.
• the time i tired to run a mile at liberty park and just couldn't.
• the nights i laid in bed thinking... "i can't do this."
• 6 am runs.
• weighing more than i have ever weighed. {people keep telling me, muscle weighs more than fat.... ya, ya, ya.}
• the times i've completely disregarded the fact that it's "running day" and found a reason why i can't or shouldn't go running.

the high's:

• the first time i ran a mile without stopping.
• the first time i ran two miles without stopping.
• the first time i ran three miles without stopping... i wanted to kill chris at the end of that.
• the first time i ran four miles without stopping... i had to collect myself, stop the tears, before i could call my brother jacob to have him relish in the excitement with me.
• the first time i ran six point two miles without stopping... seeing my sister cheering me onto the finish line, trying to control the tears... because hey, I'D DONE IT!
• the times i've finished a run and thought, "i can do this, i brooke jensen, can. do. this!!"
• the mornings or evenings i just haven't wanted to run, but somehow i mustered up the energy to do it.
• the incredible support system my family and friends have been.
• my brother jacob being my biggest cheerleader. random e-mails, phone calls, or text messages checking in on my progress, or cheering me on. thank you!
• all the fun races i have been able to run.
• the salt lake half marathon relay.
• running through the pain.
• being able to call myself a "runner"
• runner's high.
• those runs that actually feel good.... the runs that make you feel like you can run forever.

ragnar is less than a month away. i'm so nervous/excited! i'm thinking a half marathon in the spring to keep me running, we will see.


......i think i can hear trent upstairs right now cursing my name for giving his kids my shirts from races... oops, he hates that.

social networking.

i recently realized someone "unfriended" me on facebook. {i won't name, names, but let's just say it was my only sibling not older than me.} at first i was genuinely mad. then i took a step back and realized just how silly that was... mad? that someone didn't want to be my facebook friend? it really got me thinking... why do i care who is my facebook friend? or who follows my blog? or twitter? society has fully embraced networking, and in turn we begin to base our social standing off how many "friends" or "followers" we have. am i the only one that thinks that is totally crazy?! then i thought even more, as great as social networking can be, it's satan's newest tool. be honest, how many times have you read a blog and rolled your eyes and been completely annoyed with what some had the audacity to post? judged them for one reason or another? or been completely green with envy with someones "perfect" life? all things that bring you down... a tool of the adversary.

social networking can be great, and i'll admit, i'm a junkie. but i'll also say, i think it can be a slippery slope. i don't know why i'm blogging this, or what purpose it serves. but maybe it's just  a reminder to myself how silly this can all be. a reminder to not get caught up in the facebook, blogging, twitterdome that is today's society. a reminder that at the end of the day it doesn't matter how many "friends" or follwers i have, that there are far more important things in life.

here goes nothing.

since skin cancer hit a little to close to home this year.... aaaannnnddd i'm training for ragnar...... this is the perfect race for me. the only problem, i've never run 6 miles before.



here goes nothin... please wish me luck.

Ta-Da!

Mostly due to the fact I hate self portraits I've yet to post a picture of my hair.... But, here it is. I l love it! I've yet to regret this decision....

I did it.....