thank you.

let me tell ya'll a story.

i was sitting in my english class last week and i had this conversation with a classmate:

classmate: what singles ward do you go to in bountiful?
me: i'm not in a single ward, i go to my family ward. i don't really like the whole "singles scene".
classmate: really? so you probably don't go on too many dates. when was the last time you went on a date?
me: ummm..... maybe, like, the end of may?
classmate: wow, really? sooooo, like 5 months.... ouch.

thank you. thank you for bringing to my attention what i already know. i don't know why people miss being single. i don't know why people enjoy dating. and i really don't know why it's all so hard for me.

ragnar: part 1.

ragnar will probably be multiple blog posts. i want to remember every single detail of the experience, and it's just too much to roll it into one post. so, i'm going to start with one of my favorite/emotional experiences of the event.

we {dad, larry {amy's dad}, trent, jacob, heidi, and myself} were in the second van. van 1 started the race at 8:30, by about 11 we headed out to the first major exchange point to take over. as we drove out there we slowly watched the temperature rise from about 75 to 85, HOT! i was beginning to get really nervous, i had never run in anything even close to this temperature. we were getting texts from van 1 warning us about the heat, and that the legs were a lot harder, and had a lot more hills than they had expected. i started getting even more nervous. we anxiously waited at the exchanged for the last runner of van 1 to come in, kimmy made it in trent took off, and our van had officially taken over. i was runner 2 in our van so i would be taking over once trent was done. i grew more and more nervous as i watched the temperature climb to 90 degrees! we got to the next exchange and i waited for trent. i was nervous, excited, scared, pretty much every emotion you can imagine. i watched trent come over the hill and i nearly threw up knowing it was my turn. 4 months of training had led me to that moment. no looking back, just running. trent handed me the baton, and i was off.

i started off strong, i felt great. it was hot, but i wasn't dying. my team was waiting for me at about mile 1 1/2, they asked if i wanted water and i told them i was doing ok. {not realizing my leg had been switched to an unassisted leg, meaning my team could stop and give me water}. i kept running. it was getting hotter. there were hills, lots of them. i thought i would see my team around every bend in the road but they weren't there. i was getting more and more tired and hot. every step seemed harder than the last, and finally i knew i just had to walk. i was so discouraged, i had trained so hard, for so many months, and here i was walking?! i started running again, but i was so hot and so tired. in the distance i saw the "one mile to go" marker, i also saw someone walk around the bend towards me. i thought it was trent, but i didn't want to get my hopes up so i kept pushing on. as i got closer i realized it was! my big brother was waiting for me with one mile to go with cold water. i couldn't help but cry, i needed his support more than ever. we met up, he let me drink some water, and dumped some on me to cool me down. we turned a corner and there it was, my goliath! the final half mile was steep climb. trent suck with me. cheering me on every step of the way. he kept assuring me that was i was doing was in fact hard, but i was doing it. he got me through to the exchange, and we finished together.

honestly, trent was the only thing that got me through that leg, i couldn't have asked for a better cheerleader. i know running is trent's passion, it was so much fun to be able to run ragnar with him and experience it together.

trent jensen you're my hero.

I DID IT!

I did it! I finished Ragnar. It was hard. It was hot. And it hurt like heck. But it was all worth it, all 14.5 miles of it.


Details to come.......

any last advice?

ok, any advice really.
ragnar is 9, NINE, days away! holy hell! i'm beginning to freak out a little.
so i want advice. any advice.
things i should know.
things you wished you would have known.
any music suggestions.
eating suggestions.
how to run 14.2 miles in a 30 hour time frame on little sleep.
seriously any {and alllllll} running advice you might have for me.
{even if you haven't done a ragnar}
so please, help me out guys. please, please, please!

words of encouragement are also welcome.

also, a fun fact: i have run 112.79 miles since the beginning of july... pretty impressive right?

forget me not.

 "don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."

i'm pretty sure president uchtdorf's talk at the r.s. meeting was specifically for me... didn't catch it? you seriously do not want to miss it! read it here.

doing my part.

while i was listening to conference, i had one of those "ah-ha" moments.

i couldn't tell you the who the speaker was, what the talk was about, or even which session it was from...
only what i thought when i heard it.
whomever it was said something to the effect of.... you can't not go to class, or do the homework, and then pray to pass your test, you have to do your part.
my immediate thought was... brooke, you can't not go to a singles ward, or institute, or go on dates, or really even hanging out with boys, and expect to find a husband.
as much as i'd love for the next boy to walk through the doors of the credit union to be my knight in shinning armor, i just don't think it works like that.
sooooo.... since a singles ward is just not in the cards for me right now, i'm going to give institute a whirl.
and that, is what i got out of 8 hours of conference.

i would also like the record to show, i'm not dying to get married, or think i need a husband to make me happy. because i am happy, and i quite enjoy my single life. the fact of the matter is marriage is just the next step in life, whenever that may be. {just anxiously engaged}
i, brooke jensen, am happy.

the highs and lows.

who is sick of me blogging about running yet? well, i'm sorry. but the fact of the matter is, this is the journal i maintain, and i want to remember the highs and lows this running processes has been. so read it. don't read it. but here it is.

the lows:

• 6 am runs.
• the times i've thought "i would rather die than run"
• the inevitable "bad" run after a really good run.
• the times that running hurt just too bad to really even run.
• feeling completely discourage and inadequate... feeling like i'd never be able to get where i want {need} to be.
• the time i tired to run a mile at liberty park and just couldn't.
• the nights i laid in bed thinking... "i can't do this."
• 6 am runs.
• weighing more than i have ever weighed. {people keep telling me, muscle weighs more than fat.... ya, ya, ya.}
• the times i've completely disregarded the fact that it's "running day" and found a reason why i can't or shouldn't go running.

the high's:

• the first time i ran a mile without stopping.
• the first time i ran two miles without stopping.
• the first time i ran three miles without stopping... i wanted to kill chris at the end of that.
• the first time i ran four miles without stopping... i had to collect myself, stop the tears, before i could call my brother jacob to have him relish in the excitement with me.
• the first time i ran six point two miles without stopping... seeing my sister cheering me onto the finish line, trying to control the tears... because hey, I'D DONE IT!
• the times i've finished a run and thought, "i can do this, i brooke jensen, can. do. this!!"
• the mornings or evenings i just haven't wanted to run, but somehow i mustered up the energy to do it.
• the incredible support system my family and friends have been.
• my brother jacob being my biggest cheerleader. random e-mails, phone calls, or text messages checking in on my progress, or cheering me on. thank you!
• all the fun races i have been able to run.
• the salt lake half marathon relay.
• running through the pain.
• being able to call myself a "runner"
• runner's high.
• those runs that actually feel good.... the runs that make you feel like you can run forever.

ragnar is less than a month away. i'm so nervous/excited! i'm thinking a half marathon in the spring to keep me running, we will see.


......i think i can hear trent upstairs right now cursing my name for giving his kids my shirts from races... oops, he hates that.

social networking.

i recently realized someone "unfriended" me on facebook. {i won't name, names, but let's just say it was my only sibling not older than me.} at first i was genuinely mad. then i took a step back and realized just how silly that was... mad? that someone didn't want to be my facebook friend? it really got me thinking... why do i care who is my facebook friend? or who follows my blog? or twitter? society has fully embraced networking, and in turn we begin to base our social standing off how many "friends" or "followers" we have. am i the only one that thinks that is totally crazy?! then i thought even more, as great as social networking can be, it's satan's newest tool. be honest, how many times have you read a blog and rolled your eyes and been completely annoyed with what some had the audacity to post? judged them for one reason or another? or been completely green with envy with someones "perfect" life? all things that bring you down... a tool of the adversary.

social networking can be great, and i'll admit, i'm a junkie. but i'll also say, i think it can be a slippery slope. i don't know why i'm blogging this, or what purpose it serves. but maybe it's just  a reminder to myself how silly this can all be. a reminder to not get caught up in the facebook, blogging, twitterdome that is today's society. a reminder that at the end of the day it doesn't matter how many "friends" or follwers i have, that there are far more important things in life.

here goes nothing.

since skin cancer hit a little to close to home this year.... aaaannnnddd i'm training for ragnar...... this is the perfect race for me. the only problem, i've never run 6 miles before.



here goes nothin... please wish me luck.

Ta-Da!

Mostly due to the fact I hate self portraits I've yet to post a picture of my hair.... But, here it is. I l love it! I've yet to regret this decision....

I did it.....

hair today, gone tomorrow?

today my co-workers were calling me "esther barlow" and asking me what polygamists colt i was joining....i mean, can you blame them?  

my hair was kind of the joke of the day.... myself included. so much so that the boys {dan} decided they needed to measure the height of my hair to see how righteous i am.

the point is, am at a total loss with my hair. my running schedule makes doing my hair completely useless. i'm not one of those girls that's willing to give up my sleep time in the name of having my hair done. it takes me 50, yes, 50 minutes to blow dry and straighten my hair. hell on earth. and i'm not willing to do that every other day {if not more often to have my hair done.}. so usually i end up going to work with nasty pony tails, wet hair, or curly hair... it's just not pretty. and even when i do pull it up, i have so much of it that it just doesn't stay up well anymore. the other night i saw this....

i have not been able to stop thinking about it since. i mean, it would be cutting 4 maybe 5 inches off my hair. i know that doesn't sound like a lot, but then again we're not talking about your hair here. i've thought about the pro's and con's, and truth be told the pro's out weigh the con's. the only bad thing i can think of is; i've always wanted to have long hair for my wedding. i'm not not getting married, or even dating someone for that matter, but what if i cut my hair and then meet my future mr the next day?... then i will have short hair for my wedding? but then i'd meet my mr... catch 22 right? {by the way, what does that even mean?!} i think i'm going to do it. unless someone can talk me off the ledge, i might just be making a hair appointment this weekend.... tell me what ya think.

i just want you all to remember what my hair looked like today.... yikes.

yup.

{pin}

i have this chronic problem.

i'm constantly wanting to change things i have absolutely zero control over.

i'm trying, really hard, to do better at letting those things go...

but it's hard, real hard.

i really like being in control.

any suggestions?

sunday night thoughts...

• BABY NEIDER IS HERE!! friday morning i decided it was more important for me to make my way to the hospital to meet my sweet new nephew than it was to go into work... i spent the greater part of my morning at the hospital with jamie and the sweet new love. {whom doesn't have a name just yet.} you guys.... he is so stikin cute, i love him!
• last week we got to wear t-shirts and jeans to work every single day... i thought i'd love it. turns out i'm not a jeans girl. i love wearing slacks and skirts. guess i'm in the right field.
• last week i made it through all of my work out clothes in between laundry cycles, which is only a week... that's a good feeling. i've rededicated myself to running. ragnar is getting close, and i'm still scared out of my mind. ran a race yesterday {for kids with cancer, not a van of the crap.}, one this up coming saturday... no time to slack!
• first day of nursery today... snacks and play time? i'm in the right calling.
• wenesday night i cried sobbed myself to sleep, that hasn't happened in a good while. but those tears were called for, it was a rough day, and hurtful words just sent me over the edge. however, it was nothing that a good nights sleep and a pep talk from my mother couldn't solve.
• tired eggs in the city yesterday... delish!
• i've had 4 people in the last week ask if they could line me up with someone. do you know what i hate about line ups? you never hear from those your being lined up with. talk about false hope.
• watched the greatest rain/lightening/thunder storm ever last night at my cabin.
• walked out of j.crew outlet without purchasing anything... that's twice in the last week and a half.
• i leave for so cal a week from wednesday, i can't wait! i need a vacation!
• school started last week. kill me.
• ran into someone i know, with someone they shouldn't have been with, this past week. can you say awkward?
• it's killin me that it's so dark at 6 am, makes getting out of bed to run a b$%&!...
• watched the MTV VMA's with my mom and sister tonight, talk about a good time.

that's all for tonight folks.

one of those nights.

you ever have those nights where you perfectly aware of:
-your short comings.
-your inadequacies.
-the things your doing wrong.
-the things you should/can be doing better.
-you feel bad for everything you've ever done wrong.
it's been one of those nights. i've been alone with my thoughts too much today...
that means it's time for bed.
things always look brighter in the morning.

{first day of school: wish me luck!}