here we go again.

well folks i went against my better judgement i agreed to run another ragnar race, the enticing part of this one? it happens to be in southern california. i mean really, how can you say no to that?

there were many times during ragnar las vegas i wondered to myself, "why in the heck does anyone run one of these races". it's the most emotional, exhausting, challenging, hot, uncomfortable thing i've ever done in my life.

so why am i doing it again?

because it was one of the best and most rewarding experiences i've ever had in my life.

it was so hard, and there were times i wondered if i was capable of finishing, but i finished..

i did something i literally didn't think i could do.

as i've started to train for the next installment i wondered once again why i decided to run.

then i remembered this moment....

it was the best moment of ragnar!

finishing my final leg.

aside from the fact that i was done running.

i had just finished something so physically and emotionally challenging.

as i turned my final corner, i saw my family waiting for me at the exchange point.

in my life i have never been as exhausted as i was in that moment.

heidi was waiting for me to hand off.

trent, jacob, and my dad were on the side lines cheering me on.

as i got to heidi she grabbed me and hugged me, tears came.

 and all i could say was:

"i did it!"

and that is why i'm running ragnar again.

the plan

if i only i knew where to start.

life is full of uncertainties, and sometimes i just need someone to reassure me that "everything will be okay". i feel like life is slowly passing me by while i sit by planning what i want to happen. i'm not very good at letting go and having faith in the future that lies ahead of me. for some reason i think i know what "the plan" should be, and don't trust in his plan. i dwell on the past, mistakes i've made, opportunities i missed, and people i've wronged. i fear disappointing those i love, and failing in the things i pursue. i just wish i could let go and let life happen to me. i know that i have a father in heaven that has a plan for me, a plan that is better than anything i could plan for myself. everything will be okay, it will be better than ok, it will be perfect.

just a coupla things.

• we now have candy canes instead of tiger pops at the credit union, which can only mean one thing, christmas is here! without a doubt christmas is my most favorite time of year! i just want to soak in every minute of this season.
• i generally shy away from fashion blogs and posts because who am i to say what one should or shouldn't wear. fashion is all about finding out what you like and what works for you... however, after a weekend shopping with my sisters i have just one thing to say. ed hardy and juicy couture are a serious DON'T! ok, i'm done.
• i love, and i mean love my job. {at least most the time} i can see the lord's hand in me ending up where i am, thank goodness for unanswered prayers.
• the sweet lady i work in nursery with called me yesterday to invite me over to sunday dinner. you see, she has two single sons she wants to line me up with and wanted me to come over so i could decided on whom i wanted to go out with. that was just a little too weird for me, so i politely declined. her efforts are appreciated though.
• i bought the "color code" book at the d.i. a few months ago. {you know, the one that tells you if you are a red, blue, white, or yellow}  i have been making everyone i know take it! the simple joys.
• running has come to a screeching halt! i ran a 5k on thanksgiving and nearly died... i need to get my sorry butt running, i. just. don't. want. to!
• something is wrong with the breaks on my car and i just don't want to take it in because i know they are going to tell me they can fix it for a coupla hundred dollars. i hate owning a car. money pit.
• i paid $3.12 for gas tonight, that was a welcome surprise.
• i was in st. george last week and didn't even get a 25 and main cupcake, what?!
• it's safe to say i over spent this past weekend. why can't money grow on trees? i would like the record to show that if i did have a money tree i would share it's fruits with all you fine people!
• my father, brothers, and brother-in-laws are a reminder of the caliber of men that are out there.
• it always amazes me how much i love me nieces and nephews. i can't imagine loving anyone more than i love those kids. i'm probably going to burst when i have my own sweet babies.
• sometimes i'm in awe with all that i am blessed with, i don't know what i did to deserve all that i have been given, but i am so grateful.
• my name is brooke jensen, and i am a mormom. {have you guys seen those new commercials? i love them, and secretly want to be in one.}
• does anyone else find it ironic that neil diamond is jewish and has a christmas album? just something to think about.

that's it ya'll! have a happy week!

i got my bases covered

diet coke, m&m's, silly putty, and hand sanitizer.

what else do you need to get through a day of work?

one way communcation

life has been such a frustration lately. i've been so over whelmed and feel like i've been taken to the max. it just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day lately. i don't have the time to do everything i'd like to do, or need to do. instead i have to prioritize, and my top two priorities right now are work and school, yuck! i feel like i've been a bad friend., a sub-par student and employee, and not the person i know i'm really capable of being, feeling extremely inadequate. needless to say, i've been really hard on myself, and just down on life in general. sometimes leading such a busy life gets super lonely, and i forget to make the time in the day to actually have a conversation with someone, including my heavenly father.

seeing is that i'm in nursery i don't seem to get much out of church, however yesterday was the exception.... it was our primary program, and the kids sang "a child's prayer" one of my favorite songs. the second verse brought me to tears and was a tender mercy from my heavenly father letting me know he's there and willing to listen.

"pray, he is there.
speak, he is listening.
you are his child.
his love now surrounds you.
he hears your prayers.
he loves the children,
of souch is the kingdom.
the kingdom of heave'n"

i'm so grateful i have a heavenly father that speaks to me, even when i don't always speak to him.

the crowing moment.

it has been a week. a rough week.
and to top it all off, tonight happened.

i went out for a run right when i got home from work.
i left once and remembered i left my garmin watch, so i ran back in.
then i remembered i didn't have my ipod, so i ran back in.
already off to a bad start.
i drove down to my favorite route and began my run.
just before i hit mile one i ate it.
i don't know what i tripped over, but suddenly i was falling.
i hit the pavement and it hurt. my hands started stinging, and my knee was throbbing.
i was kind of in shock, so i quickly stood up, and tried to brush it off.
i thought i would just hurry and run back to my car, but after about 5 steps i knew that wasn't going to be happening... me knee hurt too bad.
i slowly made my way back to the car, all while trying to fight back tears, then it started to rain.
{guys, i can't make this stuff up.}
i called my mom, and just lost it. i couldn't hold back tears anymore and just sobbed.
she talked to me while i made my way back to the car.
i got in the car, hung up the phone, and then i really lost it.

i walked in the door and my people were all in the kitchen, amy was a trooper and got some tweezers and picked the pavement out of my hand.... all while the little people hugged my legs and told me they "wuved" me.

i know my hand and knee will get better but the thing that won't get better are my brand spakin new {worn once, $133.} running shoes. really, it just makes me want to cry all over again...

i think it's safe to say i've hit rock bottom this week. which means, there is no where to go but up.

tonight

i'm grateful for "my kids".

even on the worst of days, they can make the world right.

and for that, i love them infinitely!

seriously... what's not to love?

what is wrong with me?!

you guys, i seriously have a problem....
every ounce of motivation i once possessed is gone. g.o.n.e. don't believe me? let me give you a few examples.

• last week i had a homework assignment due, i went into my room to do it.... well i ended up laying on my bed watching friends. homework assignment? yet to be done.
• saturday i got my hair done, didn't wash it until last night, that's 4 days folks. sick.
• i've gone running once, yes once, since ragnar. so much for training for my half marathon in january.
• i have neglected texting pretty much everyone back.
• tonight instead of running i laid on my bed and ate a Popsicle.
• all i want to do is sleep. for. reals.

i think you get the point right? i don't know what's wrong with me. it's not like i don't have a million things to do, for some reason i just can't find the motivation to do any of it. then i just slip further behind and feel even less motivation to get caught up. it's actually a vicious cycle. i'm just a mess right now, but can't seem to get myself out of this funk. i've decided to blame the fact that it stays dark until 8 every morning now. seriously, can't a girl catch a break?!

thank you.

let me tell ya'll a story.

i was sitting in my english class last week and i had this conversation with a classmate:

classmate: what singles ward do you go to in bountiful?
me: i'm not in a single ward, i go to my family ward. i don't really like the whole "singles scene".
classmate: really? so you probably don't go on too many dates. when was the last time you went on a date?
me: ummm..... maybe, like, the end of may?
classmate: wow, really? sooooo, like 5 months.... ouch.

thank you. thank you for bringing to my attention what i already know. i don't know why people miss being single. i don't know why people enjoy dating. and i really don't know why it's all so hard for me.

ragnar: part 1.

ragnar will probably be multiple blog posts. i want to remember every single detail of the experience, and it's just too much to roll it into one post. so, i'm going to start with one of my favorite/emotional experiences of the event.

we {dad, larry {amy's dad}, trent, jacob, heidi, and myself} were in the second van. van 1 started the race at 8:30, by about 11 we headed out to the first major exchange point to take over. as we drove out there we slowly watched the temperature rise from about 75 to 85, HOT! i was beginning to get really nervous, i had never run in anything even close to this temperature. we were getting texts from van 1 warning us about the heat, and that the legs were a lot harder, and had a lot more hills than they had expected. i started getting even more nervous. we anxiously waited at the exchanged for the last runner of van 1 to come in, kimmy made it in trent took off, and our van had officially taken over. i was runner 2 in our van so i would be taking over once trent was done. i grew more and more nervous as i watched the temperature climb to 90 degrees! we got to the next exchange and i waited for trent. i was nervous, excited, scared, pretty much every emotion you can imagine. i watched trent come over the hill and i nearly threw up knowing it was my turn. 4 months of training had led me to that moment. no looking back, just running. trent handed me the baton, and i was off.

i started off strong, i felt great. it was hot, but i wasn't dying. my team was waiting for me at about mile 1 1/2, they asked if i wanted water and i told them i was doing ok. {not realizing my leg had been switched to an unassisted leg, meaning my team could stop and give me water}. i kept running. it was getting hotter. there were hills, lots of them. i thought i would see my team around every bend in the road but they weren't there. i was getting more and more tired and hot. every step seemed harder than the last, and finally i knew i just had to walk. i was so discouraged, i had trained so hard, for so many months, and here i was walking?! i started running again, but i was so hot and so tired. in the distance i saw the "one mile to go" marker, i also saw someone walk around the bend towards me. i thought it was trent, but i didn't want to get my hopes up so i kept pushing on. as i got closer i realized it was! my big brother was waiting for me with one mile to go with cold water. i couldn't help but cry, i needed his support more than ever. we met up, he let me drink some water, and dumped some on me to cool me down. we turned a corner and there it was, my goliath! the final half mile was steep climb. trent suck with me. cheering me on every step of the way. he kept assuring me that was i was doing was in fact hard, but i was doing it. he got me through to the exchange, and we finished together.

honestly, trent was the only thing that got me through that leg, i couldn't have asked for a better cheerleader. i know running is trent's passion, it was so much fun to be able to run ragnar with him and experience it together.

trent jensen you're my hero.

I DID IT!

I did it! I finished Ragnar. It was hard. It was hot. And it hurt like heck. But it was all worth it, all 14.5 miles of it.


Details to come.......

any last advice?

ok, any advice really.
ragnar is 9, NINE, days away! holy hell! i'm beginning to freak out a little.
so i want advice. any advice.
things i should know.
things you wished you would have known.
any music suggestions.
eating suggestions.
how to run 14.2 miles in a 30 hour time frame on little sleep.
seriously any {and alllllll} running advice you might have for me.
{even if you haven't done a ragnar}
so please, help me out guys. please, please, please!

words of encouragement are also welcome.

also, a fun fact: i have run 112.79 miles since the beginning of july... pretty impressive right?

forget me not.

 "don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."

i'm pretty sure president uchtdorf's talk at the r.s. meeting was specifically for me... didn't catch it? you seriously do not want to miss it! read it here.

doing my part.

while i was listening to conference, i had one of those "ah-ha" moments.

i couldn't tell you the who the speaker was, what the talk was about, or even which session it was from...
only what i thought when i heard it.
whomever it was said something to the effect of.... you can't not go to class, or do the homework, and then pray to pass your test, you have to do your part.
my immediate thought was... brooke, you can't not go to a singles ward, or institute, or go on dates, or really even hanging out with boys, and expect to find a husband.
as much as i'd love for the next boy to walk through the doors of the credit union to be my knight in shinning armor, i just don't think it works like that.
sooooo.... since a singles ward is just not in the cards for me right now, i'm going to give institute a whirl.
and that, is what i got out of 8 hours of conference.

i would also like the record to show, i'm not dying to get married, or think i need a husband to make me happy. because i am happy, and i quite enjoy my single life. the fact of the matter is marriage is just the next step in life, whenever that may be. {just anxiously engaged}
i, brooke jensen, am happy.

the highs and lows.

who is sick of me blogging about running yet? well, i'm sorry. but the fact of the matter is, this is the journal i maintain, and i want to remember the highs and lows this running processes has been. so read it. don't read it. but here it is.

the lows:

• 6 am runs.
• the times i've thought "i would rather die than run"
• the inevitable "bad" run after a really good run.
• the times that running hurt just too bad to really even run.
• feeling completely discourage and inadequate... feeling like i'd never be able to get where i want {need} to be.
• the time i tired to run a mile at liberty park and just couldn't.
• the nights i laid in bed thinking... "i can't do this."
• 6 am runs.
• weighing more than i have ever weighed. {people keep telling me, muscle weighs more than fat.... ya, ya, ya.}
• the times i've completely disregarded the fact that it's "running day" and found a reason why i can't or shouldn't go running.

the high's:

• the first time i ran a mile without stopping.
• the first time i ran two miles without stopping.
• the first time i ran three miles without stopping... i wanted to kill chris at the end of that.
• the first time i ran four miles without stopping... i had to collect myself, stop the tears, before i could call my brother jacob to have him relish in the excitement with me.
• the first time i ran six point two miles without stopping... seeing my sister cheering me onto the finish line, trying to control the tears... because hey, I'D DONE IT!
• the times i've finished a run and thought, "i can do this, i brooke jensen, can. do. this!!"
• the mornings or evenings i just haven't wanted to run, but somehow i mustered up the energy to do it.
• the incredible support system my family and friends have been.
• my brother jacob being my biggest cheerleader. random e-mails, phone calls, or text messages checking in on my progress, or cheering me on. thank you!
• all the fun races i have been able to run.
• the salt lake half marathon relay.
• running through the pain.
• being able to call myself a "runner"
• runner's high.
• those runs that actually feel good.... the runs that make you feel like you can run forever.

ragnar is less than a month away. i'm so nervous/excited! i'm thinking a half marathon in the spring to keep me running, we will see.


......i think i can hear trent upstairs right now cursing my name for giving his kids my shirts from races... oops, he hates that.